the brew*crew adventure

There's some great posting going on over at the *shiny-brand-NEW* Christian Unschooling website. I am so honored to have been invited to actually contribute articles to this project now and then. The purpose of all the homeschooling writers that are contributing to the site is simply to offer:

Encouragement and resources for Christian unschooling, relaxed/eclectic home educating families–living in freedom in Christ.

I pray that it does so...

Heather at An Untraditional Home wrote an article recently posted, Confessions of a Homeschool Mama, in which she concedes,

Dare I say that we, despite our plans and ideals, are unschoolers?

Heh. And I just had to smile when I read it, as I could have written the same line. It seems to be the story of our entire homeschooling career! Me- planning like mad each summer and Fall, and then life happens, days slip into weeks, and my plans and schedules are trumped by one unplanned event, unkempt day, or wonderful learning experience after another... *LOL* Guess I'm learning to roll with the punches... Still can't help myself from making extravagant plans from which to pull from as we study over each year, but I'm also relaxed enough in our approach to enjoy those many inspired moments and days of unexpected delight-directed learning that the Lord and my children's beautiful minds bring our way regularly.

I have continually been amazed at what my kids have learned and accomplished over the years, without my supervision! I remember being caught quite off-guard and a bit worried when T basically taught herself to read at age 4/5, and I had yet to teach her phonics! We still went over the phonograms with games and workbook exercises that she begged for, but wow, I sure didn't see that coming! There have been numerous similar instances of budding minds blooming on their own around here over the years. Spontaneous nature studies abound, experiments, art projects and research from inspired questions asked, etc.

However, I’m also encouraged by how much they love great literature that I’ve carefully chosen and suggested, even to their own surprise. I cannot tell you how many times now they’ve groaned over beginning a book I suggest, only for me to find them still snuggled up with it like an hour later… it’s become a running joke around here when I pull out a book from our shelf of required reading for the year. Even hours of seeming aimlessness have turned into some pretty interesting projects, games and memories that simply would not have even been discovered had the kids not had plenty of uninterrupted time on their hands... to think, improvise, and to create.

Yeah, “learning in freedom” (love that term), aka. "life-long learning", aka. "delight-directed learning", aka. "relaxed-eclectic CMing" (as I like to call it) is definitely a balancing act here for this Mama, to discern how and when to direct or when to just stand back and not interrupt their groove~ simultaneously. When done with thoughtful intention, both approaches can and will facilitate growth and certainly do complement each other in playing a meaningful role in learning. But I’m finding that it’s easier to know *how* to accomplish this the more that I really tune into the kids’ interests and needs.

That, after all, would truly be the heart of good teaching, would it not? To inspire, and then to come along side of one with helpful direction and guidance, but only as needed. I guess that figuring out the “as needed” part is where it gets tricky, and probably even varies from one child/family to the next… It truly is a matter of understanding, something the Lord promises to give to those who ask.

My son, if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you,

 turning your ear to wisdom

and applying your heart to understanding,

 and if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding,

 and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure,

 then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.

 For the LORD gives wisdom,
and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

~ Proverbs 2.1-6

When I was over there at the new site this morning, I happened to notice that the quote for today, generously provided by Jena at Yarns of the Heart (another fab contributor to the said new site), seemed particularly fitting to these thoughts as well, naturally...

Education is understanding relationships.

~ George Washington Carver

Outside My Window... It's a rainy morning. The pepper plants and marigolds that I transplanted over the weekend, from the garden boxes down by the apple tree, to a new bed here in the backyard, with a bit more shade, are looking much happier in their new home.

I am thinking... I'm trying to be more disciplined and consistent with my writing. Thus, even though it's a day late, I'm still posting my weekly daybook here, on Tuesday. I also entered my last entry, livid in the library, into a carnival, which is a first for me. Renae did such a beautiful job of hosting the 139th Carnival of Homeschooling Edition this week. I just love her Women's Independence Day theme. Be sure and check out the wonderful posts at the HS Carival if you get a chance sometime this week, or whenever.

I am thankful for... the rain, a wonderfully thoughtful Father-in-law (thank you), my iMac's being restored to us, my digital camera... pictures to capture memorable moments in time, my family to take pictures of, and God's beautiful creation too.

From the kitchen... the smell of toasted cinnamon and raisin ww bagels, mingled with freshly brewed coffee. Um, needs cleaning in a big way.

I am wearing... my hair in a ponytail (been wondering if I should get it cut), black sweat pants, forest green "Great Smoky Mountains" t-shirt that I'd actually bought at a thrift shop in Biloxi, MS.

I am creating... a clean house today, and a yummy meal for my beloved to come home to.

I am going... to pick up some groceries later, may even wait until tomorrow, and to a friend's house tomorrow.

I am reading... the myriad of wonderful posts from the 139th Carnival of Homeschooling as well as those from the Charlotte Mason Carnival's Back to School Planning Bash. Also been reading from an over-sized, hard-back copy of ~ FRANKLIN, BENJAMIN. Poor Richard: The Almanacks for the Years 1733-1758. By Richard Saunders. Wherein are retain’d... the Author’s Prefaces, Proverbs, Verses, & entertaining Remarks... Introduction by Van Wyck Brooks... Illustrations by Norman Rockwell.~ with the kids. Would you believe that I picked up this beautiful old 1965 copy from our library's discard shelf for a mere $1.50 a couple of summers ago, in great condition? I'm seeing it selling online for upwards of $100! I guess they're getting rid of all the gems, making room for newer books. *sighs* We've also been reading to each other from other library books on the Revolutionary War time period, some bios of Henry, Washington and Franklin... fascinating stuff.

I am hoping...

I am hearing... kids busily working on cleaning their rooms. This morning, over breakfast, N announced that he'd "given himself an assignment for the day, to clean his room". I laughed and told him that's good, because we're on the same page then, since I'd determined that I need to get the house clean today.

Around the house... the floor is strewn with stuff baby S has pulled out of every room and dropped at whim, clean laundry on the couch waiting to be folded, folded laundry waiting to be put away, big, black wads of Samson's hair all over the floor (even though we've been brushing him often, his 100# self still keeps shedding... and we have to vaccuum EVERY SINGLE DAY...aaagh!)

One of my favorite things... rainy days.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:

• Putting together plans for our Fine Art Mondays with a friend. She's teaching Latin to our kids for an hour or so, and then I'm teaching them Art, along with Art appreciation as scheduled on AO, for an hour or so. Therfore, today, I need to get my creative/artistic thoughts and books together to look over and pull from.
• I'd also like to replant the rest of the marigolds up closer to the house, and get the front garden bed weeded.
• Need to set up my bloglines account, which I just started a couple of days ago... plan to start keeping up with my favorite online reads a bit more methodically via subscribing to their RSS feeds. I hear it's easier, and quicker. I'm so behind the times...
• I'm brainstorming ideas with T for our monthly "girl-time" get together with friends, which T and I are hosting at our house next month.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...

Sisters...

Hosted by Peggy @ The Simple Woman

Weekly Daybook, Simple Woman, journaling, Carnivals

Powered by ScribeFire.

It's 5:20 AM!, and I've been awake for well over an hour now. I laid in bed for almost 40 minutes, trying to go back to sleep, but to no avail. My mind was whirling with thoughts, composing them, unwinding words from skeins of memory and perception, hoping that I would even be able to find them to explore and ravel later, these prose lacking cohesive meaning. I deliberated over whether or not to risk waking baby S, whether to get up and write them out, lest they disappear with my consciousness if I sleep- elusive and so easily lost they are, like grasping at wind, or trying to hold onto light. I was wishing that I had one of those writer's pens with a light, but wondering would that even work, without waking S and Chris, both obliviously snoozing on either side of me... and so, as the thoughts piled and sleeping I was not, I decided to climb out of bed at this totally crazy hour and write... since the words were still piling and I was too entangled to rest.

Last night, as I was putting baby S to sleep, I remembered that I had a bag on the table where I'd left it this afternoon, with a roll of deep, forest green wool yarn in it, and smooth, wooden needles looped with the beginning rows of a scarf that I'm knitting. In the same instant I realized that I wanted to knit (just really felt like doing it- right then, curious.), but I knew that it was late, and baby S probably wasn't going to let me get up and leave from nursing her to do anything- I tried anyways. Nope, didn't work. Heh. So, I laid there, falling asleep, and wishing that I could get up and knit, because I can.

That's right, I can! My dear friend Christine, accomplished knitter and wonderful teacher that she is, showed me (again, only it was my daughter T who showed me how the first time- earlier this year) how to cast-on, and helped me to figure out what I was doing wrong before, that had been bringing me so much frustration and eventually caused me to give up entirely for the greater part of last year (thus the having forgotten even how to cast-on and having to start over from the beginning part). It would be too technical and hard (for me) to try and explain what exactly I was doing wrong, but suffice it to say, that T will also benefit from my lesson yesterday, as she was having the same problem with her own knitting, which I'd inadvertently picked up. But now, finally, I've got it, and knitting is fun!

Somehow, as I lay there in bed last night, somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, it occurred to me that knitting is a bit like writing... but I don't know if I shall be able to do the epiphany justice with my written words here, as it was a visual realization.  Case in point though.

I felt saw how the words I was formulating into strands of meaningful thoughts were like yarn I was pulling from a ball of potential, twisted threads of yet disorganized, shapeless promise, rich in texture, and brilliant in their hue. Every word that I could stitch with precision was one more link in a chain of conceptualization that would eventually be a complete thought piece. If I could only stitch one to the next, and to the next, and to the next... pulling and pushing them from the skein of memories, meanings, questions wound by daily living and nestled restlessly, yet unformed, waiting within my subconsciousness, dependent upon the crafter's hand, the writer's pen, to pluck them, to bring the thread of insight through the loop of consciousness and incoorperate it into a pattern of understanding, maybe even a humble garment of wisdom to be worn eventually, with a pattern worthy of sharing that someone else might want to learn from and follow, someday.

I found the analogy fascinating, and had to get the beginnings of it out... as I'm sure there's more there that I'm not seeing yet, amateur writer and newbie knitter that I am, both. These ruminations remind me of one of my favorite quotes concerning writing,

There are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up a pen to write.

~ William Makepeace Thackeray

And along those lines, certainly there must be a thousand pieces lying within a woman that she does not know till she takes up a needle to knit, or a brush to paint, or...

Truly, creativity is soul-food, satisfying in all its varying forms. I've always wanted to be an artist when I grow up. And maybe I am becoming one after all... as I learn what it truly means to be an artist... it is to observe with care, and then to create with intent. The longer I live, and the more I learn by doing, the more I'm realizing that art is living, and learning to see the spectacular in the commonplace, growing, nurturing, giving attentiveness to detail, and forming with purpose; be it a child's willfulness and imagination, a poem, a scarf, an orderly home, a healthy meal, or clay.

These creations are, or can should be, culminations of us, our efforts, careful offerings to the Lord as well as to those around us. The eternal power of creativity found residing within those hidden, quiet moments of communion with the Almighty , gifted to us in our likeness toward our Maker, savored and realized in humble stitches, intuitive strokes, home-made teas, gardens tended, love made, children's drawings displayed, and choice words in poetry read aloud... or encompassing silence of dreams untold.

Yes indeed, I like knitting, it's somehow like writing. Writing is like knitting... words framed and knit together in such a way that they may be seen, felt, and worn... thoughts that unless written, realized and shared, would have no warmth or life to offer, like that ball of yarn which is not yet a scarf that my boy can wear, but everything necessary to make one... if only I will give it my time, and concerted effort, one stitch at a time.

I don't know if my thoughts are lost in translation here, but I certainly feel accomplished to have risen with the morning and put them in print. Yes, I do believe that one could even go so far as to say that so much in life that's worth having, knowing and doing, is like knitting... yarn ravelled into garments, wisdom knitted from a life lived, words fitted together and mounted upon a page like gems... Counting of the days... like stitches in a tapestry woven, that we may gain a heart of wisdom, know His pattern for our lives...

So, should can I go back to sleep now, or should I knit? Or write more? hehe. Chris is getting up now, the coffee/teeccino is on... baby S is still sleeping. Looks like rain outside, with a little thunder. Mmmmmm-hm, a good day has begun. If only I didn't have to go grocery shopping, which means the dreaded walmart (uggh.). *sighs* Aaaah well, that's later, and I always like going to the salvage store too, to see what treasures I might find cheap there.

You see what happens here? I write a few posts, and then it's like I've turned on the tap or something, the thoughts keep flowing. Yes, there's much more, this is merely an aside to the swirling thoughts that whirled about in my sleepy brain last night and rudely awakened me this morning- mere asides, always seems to be the bloggable thoughts, the outer strings I guess, to follow my own analogy out. At least my journal pages are filling, even as I'm tiring of my own wordy self now. Funny how that works, the words seeming to come all at once, or not at all. At least now, when I can't write, I can knit...

*Update Today*

It is a perfectly rainy, thunderous day outside, which makes for a cozy, special time inside. T just finished making a new peanut butter/birdseed birdfeeder on a giant pinecone, we've sweet potatoes with EVO and sea salt baking in the oven, and a double batch of wholegrain wheat bread dough mixing (plenty for cinnamon rolls!). Grocery shopping has been cancelled for now. Chris got off work early, due to the rain, and has volunteered to get groceries, what a guy! Baby S is napping now, and I thought that I would be too, but I'm having too much fun knitting with T, between sipping hot tea and reading snippets of The Laurel's Kitchen Bread Book, while N strums chords on his guitar.

Technorati Tags: knitting, writing, art

T has started herself a new blog, here: Samson & Me

Mom, aka. Grandma(s), just click on the title to hop on over and visit her. Friends and family, I'm sure that she'd love to hear from you, be sure and leave her a comment. There's nothing more encouraging to a writer than knowing she has an audience.

She's been honing her typing skills (speed) so that she can "write faster" on the keyboard, and is very excited about her new online journal (versus her old one).

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Listening to: Jami Smith - Needy
via FoxyTunes

Lately, as you may have noticed, I just simply haven't been blogging much. And as all blogging sabbaticals are, it's been good... I'm glad to say that I have, however, been writing, just not publicly. I've turned, once again, to recording my thoughts in a private journal, with old-fashioned pen and paper... and it's been refreshing, familiar and wonderful, like spending time with a comfortable old friend. I shall continue in this good habit of writing privately, a renewed love of mine with multi-faceted rewards that blogging simply cannot duplicate.

I have lately felt absolutely no obligation to blog, which is good too. To be honest, in the past when I've thought about blogging, (or my lack thereof) I've either been plagued with

1. an irrational, self-induced sense of guilt for not keeping up with this hobby better (by what/whose standards anyways?! I dunno... like I said, it's completely irrational, and probably due to hormonal spells of obsessiveness), or
2. a sense of relief at not even thinking of it, or
3. upon a quick perusal of blogs perceived to be fancier, more focused, smarter and deeper (better *ahem*) than mine (by my already faulty, backwards perspective) have fallen prey to that sinister temptation of comparing mine to there's (and yes have had to repent for my sorry sense of purpose and covetousness) and thus been overwhelmed with a sinking sense of failure OR
4. have even actually even considered pulling the plug altogether just to be truly free from the madness! *laughing smirkily here*

I had confided in a couple of friends that I'd considered this recently, quitting blogging (yes, seriously). And as good friends do, they just listened... I think that my main reason being to escape that feeling of obligation to this machine and its endless trappings and tentacles which have at times, over the three years now that I've been at this, wrapped intrusively around my heart... stolen way too much of my time, and rediculous though it may be, even paralyzed my musings with the felt expectations or supposed reactions and perceptions of the many nameless visitors that find me here each day (my stats show that I'm averaging 41 visitors a day right now -not much to some, but still daunting to me, and that's without my even writing regularly or commenting elsewhere, and it easily jumps up to 60+ when I'm actively posting more regularly... scary thought). I'm the type that, if I think about it too much, actually begins to get a bit nervous at seeing all those virtual eyes looking my way, thus my recent questioning...

I'm glad to say now though, that after further consideration, and I think just by working through all of this prayerfully for quite some time, and even leaving it altogether alone for spells as well, I have come to a good place. I'm resolved... I will continue to blog, or not... without obligation. I know, I know, it's all so simple really! Why all the hullabaloo anyways?! I guess one could say that I'm just one of those who tendeth to thinketh too mucheth... too mucheth. *smiles* And I know it to be true, but knowing this doesn't negate the reality created within me to be dealt with... It's all rather hard to explain actually, the spiritual/mental and emotional wrestlings I've had over blogging, all of which most bloggers will most likely understand anyways without my even having to explain, and others probably not, no matter how much I explained.

As I wrote to a dear friend of mine last week, who did recently switch her blog to "private" (meaning that only her friends who are invited and signed in by password can visit it):

Yeah, I get all creeped out sometimes too, if I think too much about how *public* my blog is... and lately I've even questioned whether or not to continue with blogging. The thing of it is though that I just love to write/share sometimes, it's such a great creative outlet. I tend to vacsillate back and forth between wanting to be more transparent and open/meaningful in my writings OR just wanting to pull the plug and shut it down completely! *lol* ...for feeling overexposed I guess, can't win! *lol*And here recently I've had a couple of local ladies, whom I've now met in real life, find my blog and shared with me how much it (my writings?!) ministered to and encouraged them. So... I feel like the timing of it was maybe timely encouragement to me not to just delete my blog entirely (yeah, I've actually considered it, heh!)... I dunno though, I've also considered just going private, because my family really does like keeping up with it, I think it must be true what Chris says, I'm just fickle.

Also, lately I've been so painfully aware of how fast the days are flying by, and determinedly making the most of my time with Nathan and Tabitha, who are growing up way too fast... and the same with little Savannah's baby-days, just savoring holding and playing with her so much. So, between that and keeping the house relatively clean (another recently more fulfilling conquest that blesses us all), laundry done and cooking, spending time with hubby, coop, shopping, etc. not much time is left for blogging anyways it seems. And the last few times that I got out and read some other peoples' blogs, I was left with such a sinking feeling of how sorry and shallow my ramblings of late have been too... and that's brought me to where I've left it, that I just don't care if I have nothing profound to say, it's just there for me to write in when I want to or am able, nothing more, nothing less. How was that for a nice run on sentence? And I've prayed that it would be a tool for the Lord to use to encourage others as He sees fit, in all its simplicity, and apparently He has, and even let me meet the ladies personally, and I did meet you by way of it too... so I guess that's His way of maybe saying it's alright, and don't make more or less of it than what it is... so I basicly don't think about it too much. Did that all make sense?

And I'm reminded of all of the wonderful, dear friends and acquaintances that I've made via blogging... really amazing, special women that have challenged, changed and inspired me tremendously over the years... ladies I've come to love and respect... Not to mention how rewarding its been to me personally, on so many various levels, to have learned to write with such regularity, to reflect more often through written words than I would have otherwise these last few years...

Then a couple of days ago I came across this post over at Julie's blog, blogging without obligation, and could so identify as I felt such a sense of relief just to read my own recent thoughts on blogging written out in such a simple, concise manner. I guess it's sort of comforting to be reminded of how common my perplexions are among other bloggers. And so, this is why I'm adding that cute little "blogging without obligation" button to my sidebar, simply to remind myself… should those old obligatory, smothering self-induced expectations of blogging vanities return to nag my mind, that I blog without obligation.

And so, blog I shall... because I do love to post when inspiration strikes, as it can be so cathartic, fruitful and worth every bit of effort spent, when kept in balance. I would afterall like to continue this blogging journey. Recording my family's adventures here and sharing with you all bits of my own mental and spiritual wanderings as I'm able has become a sort of artistic endeavor for me, and one that I'm now reassured, once again, has my Lord's blessing... so long as I do it without obligation to anyone but Him... which is ultimately what I've sought to know and what matters most to me, and I'm leaving it at that.

Look to yourselves, that we do not lose those things we worked for, but that we may receive a full reward.

2 John 1.8

Father, may I not turn aside from Your plan and purpose for my life each moment of every day... Lord, keep me in Your Way. Thank you for continuing to teach me to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom. May my scribblings and time spent here on this blog and elsewhere online somehow contribute to Your ultimate good and great restoration within my own heart and those whom I come into contact with.

And here is what I picked up from Julie's blog (though originally found here) a short list of reminders for obsessive types like myself. It makes me laugh because it's so true...

Blogging Without Obligation
If you feel the same way feel free to grab the logo, make a logo or whatever you would like to do!

I release all the logos, thoughts and words mentioned here about this concept into the public domain. Take the idea and run with it. . .or walk away. It is all good.

• Because you shouldn’t have to look at your blog like it is a treadmill.

• Because its okay to just say what you have to say. If that makes for a long post, fine. Short post, fine. Frequent post, fine. Infrequent post, fine.

• Because its okay to not always be enthralled with the sound of your own typing.

• Because sometimes less is more.

• Because only blogging when you feel truly inspired keeps up the integrity of your blog.

• Because they are probably not going to inscribe your stat, link and comment numbers on your tombstone.

• Because for most of us blogging is just a hobby. A way to express yourself and connect with others. You should not have to apologize for lapses in posts. Just take a step back and enjoy life, not everything you do has to be “bloggable”.

• Because if you blog without obligation you will naturally keep your blog around longer, because it won’t be a chore. Plus, just think you will be doing your part to eradicate post pollution. One post at a time. . .

Winston Churchill once said,

“Writing a book is an adventure.  To begin with it is a toy and an amusement.  Then it becomes a mistress, then it becomes a master, then it becomes a tyrant.  The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the master, and fling him about to the public.”

(Quoted in Winston Churchill: His Wit and Wisdom, Hyperion Books, p. 135)

So, fellow bloggers, do you see any parallels here between Churchill's take on writing a book, and your own experience in writing a blog? I just found that I could relate to Churchill's allegory here, and am glad to have killed the master... again.

Here I sit, finally... decidedly determined to try and just write something, anything, just for the sake of the writing itself, lest I never blog a post again. Sounds drastic, I know, but lately it's how I've felt. Why blog? Why bother? And so, my days have passed without a thought for the world of writing, reading on the internet, news, commentaries, blogs, etc... Nope, just not there right now. And it's been rather nice, a timely reprieve I guess. I seem to have lost that bloggin' feelin' completely... so, sorry that you haven't heard much from me. Now you know why...

I guess it's maybe just that so much is going on in my head lately, and I'm at odds with myself in many regards right now... or am I just hormonal? I know, I know, I'm probably not making much sense, huh? LOL This is why I just haven't been blogging. Sometimes I get frustrated because it seems that the thoughts/issues and ideas, etc. that I'd really like to write about and openly rant or question, I just don't have the nerve, time or energy to throw out here into such a public forum/place as a blog, and keep up with any conversations or discussions that may ensue. Even though it's technically MY place, my blog... I think that I tend to steer away from really sharing my strongest and deepest writings because I'm so ever aware of the possibility of so many others reading, misunderstanding and possibly being offended, or hurt, or angered, or etc., etc. Not to mention my own inability to even formulate into words what I'd like to say! LOL Also, lately, I'm finding myself more and more content to simply say nothing at all...

I know, I probably just think way too much, and it's not like I have anything really profound to say or anything... but in the end, it's basicly leaving me tongue-tied... wordless, and empty feeling in my "blogging identity", since I *feel* like I'm not truly able to enunciate what is heavy on my heart, or pressing my mind. I've always pretty much been a private person anyways, and maybe that's partly why the idea of truly keeping a public journal is a bit daunting to me sometimes (ya think?!), but especially when I'm going through times of alot of turmoil and working things out spiritually, mentally, (and now physically- with the pregnancy hormones raging and all)... I'm left with what I guess would be termed "writer's block", "brain freeze", whatever.

So yeah... my brain is mush, and I'm frustrated with myself for not being myself better... expressing myself, engaging with my readers more, my kids more, etc. and, well... whatever. Thus, lately I've been writing in my real-life 3-D paper journal, with my pen... simple and private, nice and safe, more my speed right now. And that's a good thing. My daughter enjoys it, as she's taken to sitting beside me with her own journal in hand. So... I guess I am writing afterall, just without having to think about anyone reading over my shoulder, editing, etc. I'm sure that eventually I'll probably be getting the blogging bug again... but meantime, you may not hear much from me for awhile. We'll see, I don't know really... just rambling my thoughts here.

All really is well though, overall, on the homefront. I wanted to touch base with my friends and family here and let you all know that. Yes, I'm having some stressful days lately, caring for the two babies, toddler and my own two has been pretty hectic... but I just keep reminding myself that the income is a necessary blessing right now, and I'm thankful for it, to be home WITH my own kids, to have our bills paid, etc. We're counting on Chris's eventual pay-raise (as promised by his boss, but yet to be concrete time-wise) that would compensate for my eventually letting two of the kids go. Then I'll probably just keep the 11 month old baby girl throughout the duration of my pregnancy. I still haven't decided about whether or not I'll continue to watch her after our little one is born in August... hopefully, we'll have the financial wherewithall by then that it will be only an option, not a necessity.

Chris's work has been stressful for him here lately too, for various reasons. In the last 10 work days, he's missed 4 days because of rain, which means no $ paid for those days, and we cannot afford rain-days like this, very discouraging for us both. But as always, I'm sure we'll make it... it's just mentally and emotionally tiring... especially wondering over whether or not we should be planning to sell our house asap, and rent, to free us up to move if he's offered a job with a larger company (like BellSouth or Embarq) that would provide benefits and salary (ie; he'd still get paid for rain days), AND he'd be covered by workman's comp., which at this point, working as a contractor, is not an option, which is risky.

We had a bit of a scare a few weeks back when the pole that he was on snapped at its base (rotten he's guessing?), and down he went with it! He was quite banged and bruised up... and the pole was live- hooked up to electricity- so we're just so thankful that he is okay, and didn't fall on any tools, break anything, nor get electrocuted. So yeah... workman's comp. would be nice. He didn't even go to the doctor because he's stubborn, and didn't want to pay out of our pocket for x-rays, etc. *sighs*smiling, shaking head* He's still a bit sore.

I was honestly a bit nervous about telling him that I'm pregnant, with all of the other things going in our life right now. I was afraid that it would be another felt pressure to him. But when I told him, tears came to his eyes (good ones), and he smiled with joy. How relieved I was, and blessed I am to have such a wonderfully loving man for a husband. He truly is such a strong and gentle Father to our children. I'm so excited about having another child together... we're at such a different place in our life together now, in our marriage. It will be a unique experience, and I'm really beginning to look forward to meeting this little one the Lord is gifting us with. So far, I've had two dreams that he? is a boy...

Oh Lord... help us to be steady and strong as we stand through this storm of uncertainty and looming unknowns... guide our decisions, our thoughts, keep our hearts stayed upon You, and ever faithful to eachother and your plan for our lives together. Thank YOU for always being more than enough...

So, dear friends, please bear with me as I take a blogging break. I do hope to be taking more pictures though soon... and making art. I'm sure that I'll be posting these. Right now, I think that's what I need... creative outlets that don't require alot of conscious thought. LOL Lately, I've found myself enjoying cleaning up (deep-cleaning) various rooms in the house. I mean, I'm actually enjoying it, which is unusual. It's very satisfying to be getting rid of stuff, sorting, organizing and simplifying... yet again. This weekend I did the bathroom closet, which is deep and had piles of stuff in the bottom of it. I also did my bedroom (cleaned and even rearranged- with Chris's muscle help), and am moving my scrapbooking desk to the breezeway I think. Now, I'll finish T's bedroom, which we'd started earlier in the week.

Anyways, I hope that you're all doing well, and have had a wonderful holiday so far. May you and yours be blessed in 2007! We're going to spend the evening with some dear friends of ours, whose house we've brought the past two New Years in at. We usually eat and drink treats and play cards all night. Though this year, no java for me... and I'm wondering if I'll be able to stay up as late as usual (2-3 a.m.)? So when we called our friends up to see about what they were doing this year, did they have any plans?, they said that they were hoping we'd come over to party, as now, it's TRADITION! Yes, it's relaxing having couple/family friends to chill with~ food, friends, fireworks and fun fellowship until the ball drops, and beyond! My hope and prayer is that this year will be a year of greater vision and focus for me and my family. Time is short... make the most of your adventure through life with your loved ones!

So much has been going on around here, the hustle and bustle of daily life, all wrapped up in the shimmering glow of summer's gentle rhythms. Our pace has slowed, with outside engagements narrowing to the barn and horses, church, and a couple of summer cook-out birthday parties, late night card games with a some night-owl friends (complete with coffee and chocolate). We have had lots of new adventures at home... days spent working and playing together, building, critters to care for, garden to tend, sorting, painting and drawing.

Aaaah... that I may remember these beautiful days, with our childrens' sweet faces, and eager voices.

Our fledgling first farming endeavors have had both disappointing and triumphant moments in the last two weeks, trials and errors, learning by experience can be toilsome. Our chicks are full fledged hens now, comical and lovely to behold~ our hopping Pertelote with her broken leg that is healing nicely. One of our doe California bunnies was apparently bred by accident before we bought her, and had 8 little kits that sadly died within a couple of days, because mother was not much of a mother and would not nurse them enough... and we read that it's pretty much futile to try and bottle feed kits. That was sad to see, but real critter life... it happens. And so, with our buck having been culled just over a week prior due to sickness, and the loss of these littles, shortly after Pertelote's leg was broken, we were a bit weary of recent critter drama. We've enough of our own lately, really... But now we are relieved and cheered that Pertelote shall be fine. How we are celebrating her determined recovery, my pet Buff Orpington.

Chris butchered the doe, who was not a good momma, day before yesterday... to see if we'd even like rabbit meat anyways, before investing in another buck for breeding. I couldn't eat it, surprised myself that I was so overcome with queasiness... I wasn't repulsed as he skinned it or anything, but I'd apparently lost my appetite completely. I barely ate a thing that day. Chris is tanning the rabbit's hide. Great diet idea: butcher your own food, you'll eat less, maybe even go vegetarian... N and T tried it without any qualms, said it was good, tastes like chicken. Chris couldn't eat it either, for awhile. He eventually de-boned the meat (had grilled it) and had a taste, said it was good, tried to get me to try it, but I just wasn't hungry, still can't. I'm thinking that Chris's aspirations to breed quail (poultry) will be easier, tastier, less repulsive. I've cleaned out chickens and turkeys before... but we're not eating my chickens (they'll earn their keep with eggs), just the quail...

Last weekend the kids and I cleaned house, did laundry, prepared for a busy week. Chris rolled the breezeway walls with primer, in preparation for the bright "Sea Green" color that I'll be painting on the high walls in there, my favorite room that will eventually be the home of our nature collections, plants, my conure, and old easel from college (hopefully with a work in progress adorning it).

This morning after making home-made blueberry waffles together, the kids and I packed our lunches and headed over to the barn. Every day this week we are spending the first few hours with my friend and the kids' riding instructor, Jennifer. She's asked that N and T come over to ride/ work the extra ponies and horses that she's boarding for next week's Christian Horse Camp, and do some barn chores and swimming too, while she and I have been planning and making hand-sewn Bible (JAM: Jesus And Me - time) journals, among other things, for the 12 kids (all of her riding students) that will be attending. All together, she'll have 16 horses and ponies on her premises next week!

It shall be such a blessed week, and tiring! I'll be there throughout, helping however I can and teaching Bible class. Camp Orientation is this coming Saturday, and camp will be next Monday through Friday, from 7:30 am until 4:30 pm, and I am to be there early... and every day this week as well. Oh, but what sweet fellowship we share. Jennifer and I are so thrilled that both of her daughters are home from college during this time, not taking summer classes, and are spending the entire week helping us with camp, YAY! It will be great~ So, as you can imagine, you might not be hearing much from me the rest of this week, and next.

After spending a few hours with Jennifer each day, we're then driving down the road to another friend's house, who owns the pony that N rides (and will be showing next month- in jumping classes, for the first time! he's so excited!) for N and T to ride/condition her ponies (which will be spending the week at Jennifer's for camp) as well. So our days are long right now. We didn't get home this evening until 8 p.m., after being gone all day. I put some burgers and hot dogs on the grill (ignoring the leftover grilled rabbit meat still sitting there, a bit surprised at my continued aversion?) and went out to the garden for some fresh produce. I found a few cucumbers, tomatoes, my first zuchini and Chinese eggplant, which I also put on the grill, slathered with olive oil, parmesan cheese, and salt and pepper, delicious...

I have been so annoyed by a ravenous groundhog that lives somewhere beneath our yard, at the far end of our field. He wanders into my garden and delights in eating all of my pole bean vines as they try to climb the lines I strung for them. I've tried to deter him with bad flavors put on the plants... need more pepper spray, but he doesn't seem to mind too much. He's also been munching all of my sunflowers... arrrrgh! I'd thought it was bunnies, until we saw him eating the beans (though I did find some bunny poop too). Samson (our German Shepherd) ran after him, and I was wishing he'd caught the thieving scoundrel.

So, you can imagine that I wasn't too terribly upset when Samson did catch him a groundhog (but not the culprit, unfortunately) yesterday. Oh, you should have seen him chasing it down... he tossed it up in the air like a ragdoll, and then thrashed it back and forth, back and forth... By the time Chris caught up to him, Samson had broken it's back, and Chris then put it out of its misery with a shot. Good boy, Samson, good boy. He was so mellow the rest of the afternoon. And later that evening, when they saw another groundhog muddling about, Samson's ears got all perky, but he obediently stayed when Chris told him "no"... he's such a good boy. And we really do like groundhogs for their cuteness... but OH! what garden pests they are!

What dilemmas farming (albeit on a miniscule scale) doth bring...

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Meanwhile, behind the drawn curtains of my consciousness, the Lord has been speaking so softly... a humming in my spirit, low and soothing~ warm rains falling from blue, open skies.

So let it be in God's own might

We gird us for the coming fight,

And strong in Him whose cause is ours

In conflict with unholy powers,

We grasp the weapons He has given, ---

The Light, the Truth, and love of Heaven.

~ The Moral Warfare, John Greenleaf Whittier

Wrestling~

Finding it so hard to write of late... to let go... unlock the gates that guard my thoughtlife... Some things are just too personal to air, also it seems that so much of our tangible life hangs in the balance right now... and yet I'm not thinking much of all the potential financial pitfalls that we could hit in the very near future... No, I'm seeing that the past two months we have had just enough to pay our bills, and plenty of groceries, and we are blessed indeed. Chris has submitted policies (and how we hope that they get funded so he'll be paid), and done some other contract work.

Trusting~

Hanging on the hope that our Lord will provide for all of our needs as we are doing all that we know to do, or can do at this point... well aware that my ideas of what I/we need may very likely be worlds away from His plans for us. Knowing that He is Sovereign, learning to really live in this knowledge, to accept it in such a way as to shape my demeanor, my outlook and attitude. We have never lacked for what we need, and now I'm confident that in whatever lays ahead, we shall praise His Name, realizing that this, our life together, is not really about us, but since we have committed our lives to Him, it's about Him~ and His Faithfulness... all for His Name's Sake.

Praying~
I've found relief. again.
He is ever waiting, listening... tears of sorrow and remorse, hope, longing, concern, repentance, anguish, and intercession softening my heart, reaching toward His dwelling, drawing me into His Sanctuary... as His gentle Word renews my trust and enables a determination to move forward in His meekness, to carry on in assurrance of His seeing me, knowing my heart's desires and that He loves us... small as we are, immense as He is... He dwells within, and without...

He has thoughts towards me, He knows, He listens...

Resting~
IN knowing that He is at work in our hearts, shaping our lives for His good purpose, to bring Glory to His Name... I believe this. HE IS all~

...yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.

1 Corinthians 8.6

To what extent we have lived unto Him is all that will last once the curtain closes on our tiny little act, this life, which is but a miniscule part of the great pageant of HIStory... scenes of Creation, all of which He, I AM is found in center stage... and we are small... so s.m.a.l.l... and this is comforting, to be small. I can rest in this place, realization of my smallness, knowing that I am in the Almighty hand of I AM, who is immense and encompasses my world, inhales my prayers and arranges my moments, day to day, week for week... if I will but wait, and rest, I shall see His Salvation.

I shall know His Peace that passes all understanding... for I am small, and need not fumble to arrange, nor fix, nor thwart this place to which He has brought me... rather I shall abide in this land, content to find the manna which He has laid out for me here, pressed on all sides by worry, but focused within~ on worship.

His song resonates in the valleys, where His breath carries the fragrance of eternity to my time burdened soul.

And here, I find remembrance~ of where it is I journey to, for whom it is I wait, my soon coming Bride Groom.

I wait... and He fills my cup, soon He shall call... He will come. And for now I am thankful to be small... immersed in I AM.

Meditating~

For Horse Camp next week we will be doing a study of the Beatitudes.

His disciples came to Him, and He began to teach them saying:
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

~ Jesus, Matthew 5.3-12

I do know I AM, and He calls me beloved... and that is something.

artwork: The Young Bride, by Alcide Theophile Robaudi