the brew*crew adventure

I haven't participated in this meme before, Blogger Friend School, which provides a weekly "blogging homework" theme. As I was browsing through some of the amazing blogs listed over at the HSB Awards, I clicked onto this week's theme for the BFS, and was totally inspired to join in, since it goes hand in hand with thoughts and observations I've been having here in the last couple weeks anyways. Technically, I believe that the "assignment" is supposed to be posted on Tuesday?, but in my natural way, I'm posting mine a day two days late!

 

The passion to sing, the passion to draw, the passion to build, the passion to ride, the passion for reading, the passion for nature… the list is endless. Some children exhibit their passion from day one, others need an experience to spark that passion.

Assignment: Share a field trip/lifestyle learning experience where you really felt you were bringing good things to life for your children, where something came alive for them, or ignited a passion.

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately... the facilitating of that passion to learn, to build and to creatively express ones self; that desire to grow and to become something great that's within us all, my own children specifically, manifesting itself in so many various talents. As a parent and my children's primary instructor, it's important to me that I culture their God-given abilities and desires, bringing these good things to life, if you will... while at the same time realizing that I truly am not taking the lead... in that it's not all up to me to conjure these up in my kids. Rather, I'm watching, listening, and waiting on the Holy Spirit to show me their intrinsic giftings, and praying for His guidance as I plan our studies and their activities.

As I'm doing my best to daily immerse our kids in an engaging learning environment and introducing them to a variety of inspiring subjects, I am delighted to be discovering their passions with them, and comforted in the remembrance that these precious soul stirrings and that ultimate quickening of their spirits towards Him are all individual workings of His Spirit within them, as we're learning to walk out His Word in our lives together, and therefore not solely dependent upon me, nor anyone else. I need but tune in to them, and especially their Creator, while keeping my eyes wide open to the opportunities abounding in each moment as we journey together each day, lest I miss those small sparks that would ultimately kindle their passions and thereby could someday even dictate their very livelihoods.

I have found that with our oldest daughter, 9yo T, who is my "go-getter", this is an easier thing to recognize; her passions. She talks about it, and initiates doing stuff working towards that end on her own. When she's inspired, the results are much more extravagant and obvious than when our 12 yo son, N is impassioned. He tends to discover passions (like writing, dance, reading a certain book, horse riding) after I've suggested he try something out. Lately I have been fascinated over the inter-connectedness of their blossoming personalities with the opportunities they've been offered thusfar in their young lives. I'm left to wonder over how beautifully it has all worked together... and question which came first, a specific passion or was an experience the catalyst of curiosity turned to desire? I've been musing over what the ramifications of these truths could be, not only in my kids' lives, but in my own as well.

And we know that for those who love God, that is, for those who are called according to his purpose, all things are working together for good.

~ Romans 8.28

It's certainly a mystery profound how the Sovereign Lord choreographs our very lives, nurturing those seeds of talent He placed within us, even as He knit us in the womb, while simultaneously allowing the free-will of our individuality. It's caused me to consider the weighty responsibility Chris and I have as parents to introduce our children- His children- to a wide array of possibilities, directing them toward His truths, and presenting them with an assortment of rich ideas for their minds and hearts to grow upon. Gradually, I am learning to recognize when the "education" is doing its work within them, and to therefore not snuff out the tiny flames which seem yet so insignificant by my own lofty unrealistic adult-perspective qualifying standards, set mostly by pre-conceived ideas of how learning "should look"... Meaningful learning does not necessarily mean a finished *project*. I'm learning to look with my child-eyes again.

For instance, the other day when T showed me the language she's creating for the characters in one of her stories, my first teacherly-Mom thoughts were along the lines of, "well, that's not a real language... why should she be wasting her time and all of that good language interest and energies with this when we could be working on our Latin or Hebrew?" Thankfully, in the next instant, I realized that I was witnessing a beautifully genuine representation of this child's love for language and passion for writing. And so the thoughts I expressed to her were those of encouragement and "why not?, how clever!" and musings over the inceptions of various languages.

But that was not the only challenge along these lines that either one of my kids have thrown at my feeble mind in the last couple of weeks. Last month N, who's been taking guitar lessons for just over a year now (that was his own inspired idea, which he faltered in when it came to the monotany of daily practice), announced to me that he'd like to come up with his own song to play at our co-op's end of the year student presentations ceremony... I immediately had to shush my overly-conservative, doubtful-of-his-being-ready-to-do-that thoughts right up. After months of laboring resistantly through daily practicings on his guitar, he's made it over some kind of mental hump, and now usually plays daily (without my having to tell him to!), and tells me he absolutely loves it. He was also greatly inspired by the movie August Rush. As we're driving home from his lessons, he often tells me excitedly of what he's learning, and how encouraging his guitar teacher is. Just last week his instructor told him that he could play his own songs without having any music written out(?!), and could even learn to play chords he hasn't yet formally learned, just by intently listening to a piece of music and then copying what he hears. Imagine that... I am so thankful for the many wonderfully inspiring people that have been God's vessels of instruction for our kids  (and myself) over the years, what evidence of HIS faithful provision! On so very many levels, this whole parenting/homeschooling business has been such a growing experience for my own faith levels.

And I know that I've mentioned here before of how my daring daughter gets these crazy inspired ideas to do things that are much bigger than any goals I'd ever set for her. I've seen how God has been faithful to send others into our lives to facilitate dreaming and passions that I could not... but I'm apparently a slow learner. Usually my first (natural) impulse is to caution her and help her to pare her visions down a bit, set her sights more realistically... but her fervor and insistence that she can and has already counted the cost of a conceived endeavour has once again inspired me, and as I've let go of the reigns I had moments before fearfully rationally tightened my grip on, I've been further delighted to see how God has sent others to come along side of me/us to see that her fans are flamed and help set her on the path to accomplishing these fantastic goals that I couldn't have orchestrated or provided for on my own, let alone have even decided upon.

Once again, this week it seems that another request, prayerfully offered up by a girl with bigger faith shoes than I can fill has been fulfilled by a generous Father.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows...     

~ James 1.17

T has praise in her heart. She loves to put on worship music and dance before the Lord enthusiastically. It's something that I've enjoyed doing with my kids since they were babies in my arms, twirling together with hands lifted high. T told me on Monday that she'd like to choreograph her own dance to a Third Day song and perform it at the aforementioned homeschool co-op student presentation ceremony. I gulped down my doubts, astonished at her brevity, again. She proceeded to explain her plans to me, and I just nodded along as I listened, knowing better than to discourage her resolve. "I'm going to ask Mrs. Jamie (her dance instructor- that's another testimony we have of His great provision for us- scholarships for dance lessons) to help me with my moves and figuring it all out." "That's a good idea." "Okay then, you'll have to wait for me a little bit longer after class so that I can talk to her about it." I agreed. And after her dance class ended on Tuesday, I watched as she gingerly approached her teacher, holding her passion close, encased in a dream that she proceeded to share with a trusted confidante. To my great surprise and delight, Jamie agreed to help her and meet with her a half hour before her class, every week- for free! I went back and checked with her myself after T told me, just to make sure it was really alright! Is that crazy-generous, and just like God, or what?! Needless to say, T is so excited about it that she's on fire now, and has asked a dancing friend that we carpool with to join her in the dance! She's been busily drawing and dancing up her choreography plans. Here's what she's got so far:

I tried getting some pictures of her dancing, but she wouldn't cooperate.

She did, however, allow me to take some pictures of her practicing on her violin. This - her opportunity to play the violin this year- is another story of her aspirations met by the willing Hand of Providence.

T has wanted to take violin lessons for years. I believe that the desire was probably first sparked sometime in her toddlerhood, when we spent a great deal of time with friends, whose then highschool daughter played the violin beautifully. She would watch and listen to her play intently every chance that she got. She began asking for lessons a few years ago, but we couldn't afford private violin lessons, and neither Chris nor I can even read music (something which both of our children are now learning to do quite well -without us!).  As I do, I told her that I would join in her praying that if it be His will, that He would provide an avenue for this opportunity for her. Then last year, we were blessed with the means to pay for N to have the private guitar lessons I mentioned above, and she so wanted the same. She confided to me of how she was struggling with jealousy and I reminded her that he too had been waiting for years for music lessons. Her time would come... and to be patient. Meanwhile, she decided to master her recorder and used the book that it came with to teach herself to read music and play quite a few folk songs. She joined a class offered at our co-op for the recorder, and took heart in my reminder not to despise small beginnings.

Then, to our delighted amazement, a wonderful lady decided to teach a strings class at our homeschool co-op this year, specifically violin and cello. T was beside herself with excitement over this opportunity to finally learn to play her instrument of choice - the violin. Now... if only we had a violin. I prayerfully sought the Lord, trusting Him to provide this too, knowing that with Him in it, it would all come together. Chris and I knew that it would have to happen cheaply to be feasible for us. Then towards the end of last school year, it came up at our Bible study with some friends that T was so glad to be looking forward to taking a violin class at our co-op, and since this friend had played for years, we asked her for suggestions concerning our finding a used violin for T. To our thrilled astonishment, she offered to loan T her own beautiful violin for as long as she needed it.

Time and again I have been blessed to see God's orchestration of timely provision for our children's passions, in both their inceptions and continuity. As their Mother and primary instructor, I find rest in knowing that it is not up to me to bring all these good things to life in their worlds,

      ‘ Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’
Says the LORD of hosts.

~ Zechariah 4.6

but rather I am just an open conduit of His loving kindness and purposes for each of them, His unique creations.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Memory Verse: Philippians 4:8

In conclusion, brothers, focus your thoughts on what is true, noble, righteous, pure, lovable or admirable, on some virtue or on something praiseworthy.

My blog here was actually nominated in the HSB Awards for "Best Unschooling or Eclectic Homeschooling Blog 2008"! so if you feel so inclined, I'd really appreciate your vote! ...though I hardly feel worthy to even be listed among so many wonderful homeschool blogs! There are some really GREAT homeschooling blogs listed there in ALL of the categories so be sure and check them out! You WILL be inspired and encouraged, I know that I certainly have been subscribing to some new favorites! Be sure and check them all out, and then VOTE for your favorites!

I watched the 3rd Party Debates on C-Span night before last. It was so very refreshing to hear the issues discussed much more frankly, with pointed (true) conviction, without all of the rhetoric and pandering to mainstream America-Media, double-talking fluff. If you missed them, you can view them here on YouTube. We also caught John Stossel's Politically Incorrect Guide to Politics on 20/20 last weekend, which I thought was pretty right-on and played right into our ongoing discussion with 12yo N, who's taking a "Presidents & Politics" class at our homeschool co-op this year and has been following the elections this year via news, commentaries, watching debates and collecting political cartoons, along with his short written narrations of election news for a political notebook he's keeping for his class. It's been quite a learning experience for us all.

Yesterday Chris and I went and voted early... for Baldwin/Castle. Yep. I'm not going to go into all the whys and wherefores of our decision, how it wasn't a wasted vote, nor a vote for Obama, etc., mainly since I'm just really tired today due to being up much of the night and all day the past few days with a clingy, congested, constantly-wanting-to-nurse-teething baby girl, and also because the issues that have been rolling around in my thoughts (which have also been discussed a lot at our house in the last couple of months), questions on my mind and shared convictions of our household's collective heart have already been aptly enunciated very well by others. So why reinvent the wheel, right? I'll simply provide a few links here for those interested, and you can go read their thoughts and hear me sayin' "Amen" over your shoulder! I think that like Randi, I'm just beginning to grow weary of it all... you know? I'm going to join my funny brother Daniel, and just not talk politics anymore right now, okay?

I really did go round and round over this for awhile, in prayer and research and mulling it all over before I voted. I even surprised myself at one point by questioning my own resolve and reconsidered voting for McCain, just to help keep Obama out... but upon further reflection, and reviewing the facts, I just couldn't, in clear conscience, do it.

First off, for the record~ a vote for Baldwin (or any other independent) is not a vote for Obama, it's a vote for Baldwin. I mean, what if it was Obama versus Hitler... would you vote for Obama then? How about Hitler or Satan, then one must choose Hitler, right? Far-fetched and ludicrous, maybe, but you get my point?

Let us please remember that as Believers our motivating force for how we vote should NOT be one of fear... just how far would one let this fallacious way of thinking take them... ie; that voting the lesser of two evils is commendable?... Sure that'll be the case to a point no matter who we vote for, seeing as all men are base and our hearts deceptively wicked, but you get my point, right? Especially when there IS a TRUE CONSERVATIVE, Christian candidate running? If all Believers would actually just REALLY vote their conscience instead of telling each other "don't bother, you're throwing your vote away- it'll never work", then we might get to really make a difference... If everyone actually voted with a whole lot more conviction and faith, things might happen. I for one am choosing to do my part towards that lofty end, albeit idealistic and seemingly futile... even reminds of the very definition of faith according to Hebrews 11.1>>

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

The Founders of our (yet) Free Nation waged an impossible battle as well... remember? And Lincoln was a third party candidate without a chance, remember? Yet everyone thankfully didn't say, "what's the use, why bother, he'll/we'll never win anyways"...  may as well play it safe and remain Loyalists (referring back to the crazy Revolution idea)... That's the sort of attitude that will ensure that we never have any other choice besides the ones we're *allowed* by the two primary parties and their media cohorts.

Yes, McCain certainly claims to be pro-life, yet McCain did vote in favor of expanding federal funding of embryonic stem-cell research, NOT adult stem cell research. McCain has verbally flip-flopped on the pro-life issues. He's been against overturning Roe vs. Wade, and more recently claims to be for it, in a round-about sorta way. He wanted his pro-choice buddy Lieberman as his running mate, but was strongly advised to choose for the more conservative base (whaa-laa, we have Palin, yes, I LOVE her too- but she's not running for Pres.-yet... brilliant political move when you think about it), lest he upset the Right and get smeared again like he did the first time he ran... remember?

So, I'm not going to talk politics anymore, but for those of you who are still informing yourselves, and can stomach one, two or maybe even three more articles... here ya go.

“Should Sen. John McCain be elected as the next president of the United States, he will not be a champion for the life of the unborn.”

Sen. John McCain’s Position on Abortion: Setting the Record Straight

Doug Phillips of Vision Forum shares his opinion here on his blog concerning Presidential Candidate Chuck Baldwin on the Pro-Abortion Record of John McCain:

With every passing day as we move closer to the presidential election, the collective IQ of the Christian and conservative community appears to be dropping. The more fearful Christians become, the more they are willing to praise the beautiful garments of the naked emperor. Flashback: One year ago conservative and Christian leaders were in agreement about the fact that John McCain was neither pro-life, nor pro-family, nor conservative in general. Dr. James Dobson vowed publicly to never support the man for this very reason. Question: Besides some new polish and rhetoric, has John McCain fundamentally changed over the last twelve months?

It is one thing to support John McCain, but it is another thing for Christians to claim he is something that he is not in order to soothe the collective consciences of the fear-stricken. This is precisely the type of hypocrisy that liberals rightly point out. Why not just ‘fess up and admit the truth—“John McCain has voted for liberal pro-abortion judges to sit on the highest court of the land, has voted for subsidies for abortion, once said he opposed overturning Roe V. Wade, and supports killing babies in certain cases—BUT WE ARE VOTING FOR HIM ANYWAY BECAUSE WE FEAR AN OBAMA PRESIDENCY.”

At least that would be honest.

Doug then goes on to site Chuck Baldwin's article on what a joke the notion that McCain is really Pro-Life is. Baldwin writes:

John McCain openly embraces embryonic stem cell research. In 2000, he boldly said he did not favor the overturn of Roe v. Wade. John McCain was a member of the infamous "Gang of 14" senators from both parties whose purpose was to oppose pro-life, strict constructionist judges.

Speaking of judges, John McCain voted for the pro-abortion justice, Stephen Breyer, and the radical, pro-abortion, ACLU attorney, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. So much for the argument that we need John McCain for the sake of appointing conservative justices to the Supreme Court. For that matter, Republican appointments dominated the Court that gave us Roe v. Wade and the one that later gave us Doe v. Bolton. Proving, once again, that the Republican Party, as a whole, has no real commitment to the life issue.

John McCain also gave us McCain-Feingold. This is the law that keeps pro-life or pro-Second Amendment organizations from broadcasting ads that mention a candidate by name 30 days before a primary election or 60 days before a general election. This proves that John McCain believes neither in the right to life nor the right to keep and bear arms. (This is one reason why the Gun Owners of America gives McCain a grade of F.)

In a debate with George W. Bush in May of 2000, John McCain attacked Bush's support for the pro-life plank in the Republican Party. Still today, John McCain believes that babies who are conceived via rape or incest should be murdered. I remind readers, however, that there are no "exceptions" in the womb, only babies.

If all of the above is not enough, as a senator, John McCain has repeatedly voted to fund pro-abortion providers such as Planned Parenthood with federal tax dollars. In fact, McCain has voted to use federal tax dollars to support abortion providers at home and overseas. Yes, this "pro-life" senator (along with "pro-life" President, George W. Bush) has significantly increased federal spending for abortion providers to levels eclipsing even the appropriations authorized by President Bill Clinton and his fellow Democrats.

So... that pretty much sums it up for me! Also, a blogging friend of mine, Jacque of Walking Therein, shares her thoughts on these important issue and others in an informative post here, which I totally agree with as well. As for Obama, well... I believe that his own supporters say it best, when they say nothing at all! Another blogging friend of mine, Heather, aka. Sprittibee has also just posted a great article on how Obama opposes homeschooling and parental rights. Spunky has also been sharing a lot of insightful information regarding Obama on education over at her blog.

Vote you conscience!

Do not put your trust in princes,
Nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help.

~Psalm 146.3

Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.

  ~John Quincy Adams.

Technorati Tags: 3rd Party Debates, elections, Baldwin/Castle, Chuck Baldwin, Pro-Life, McCain

Amy of Dandelion Seeds is inviting anyone who would like to commit to praying for the Drews family to please email her to sign up for a specific time, or just let her know that you're praying, and she'll then let the Drews know that so many are lifting them up. You may go to her post here to read more about it and to see what times are left. Her goal is to have every hour of a 24 hour day covered by Sept. 25, which will mark a month since they lost their precious baby boy, Christian Edward Drews.

I'm asking anyone interested in lifting Marsha and their family in prayer every day at a promised time until the 25th (marking one month since "Dozer" went to be with Jesus) to email me (amy@dandelionseeds.com) with the time you'll be praying (please include your blog link if you have one as well, and put COVERING THE DREWS FAMILY in the subject line so it will be easier for me to sort everyone's requests with my other emails.  Please email me so I can compile all of the addresses for Marsha to receive as well, as I know she will want them).

The evening before yesterday I was so sad to hear of the news that a precious homeschool family had lost their three year old little boy in a tragic accident. And so I went to bed praying for this mother, unable to fathom how her heart must be breaking... yet compelled to imagine what it must feel like, what her reality was even then- heart-wrenching and mind-numbing. The next morning I was stunned to learn that the mother I'd been praying for was none other than Marsha Drew, a fellow blogging friend that I used to keep up and share with very regularly. She has been on my mind and in my prayers continually these last few days, and how I've wanted to do something, to somehow just reach out and touch her across the miles, offer my sincerest love and support.

You may go and read a tribute to little Christian "Dozer", A Sweet Little Man of God! here, at Heart Of The Matter.

In heaven with our Lord...

You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you. ~ Nememiah 9:6

Emily of The Learning Never Stops has had a blessedly inspired idea, one which will allow me (and you) to join with Marsha in the most meaningful and healing way, at the feet of our Lord, in worship. See- Emily's bought an iPod, which she's filling with songs for Marsha. I'm thankful to share with her in this opportunity for us to bless Marsha, and thereby the rest of her family as well. I will continue in praying for Marsha, grieving for her loss... and I hope that you will as well. Chris and I are both so grieved for the Drew family. I hope that these songs we're all sending to her will somehow help her to lift her whole heart, aches, questions, et al to HIM in total surrender, as she listens and finds her heart's renewal through worship. What an honor it is to bless her in this way.

If you feel so led, won't you go over to Emily's and leave her your own prayerfully selected suggestions for a song or two to go on Marsha's iPod.

T suggested "In Christ Alone" as sung by the Newsboys, so that's her offering. It's perfect. I'd just read this morning's devotional from Elisabeth Elliot, and I couldn't help but to think of Marsha and her family, and their recent loss of little Dozer:

Paul was a man who suffered the loss of everything, according to his own claim. Yet any loss he counted pure gain. The key to this transforming of earthly losses into heavenly gains is love. What do we love? If our hearts are set on people and possessions and position, the loss of those will indeed be irreparable. To the man or woman whose heart is set on Christ no loss on earth can be irreparable.

It may shock us for the moment. We may feel hurt, outraged, desolate, helpless. That is our humanity. But the Lord can show us the "long view," the incalculable gain in spiritual and eternal terms, if we love Him above all. Everything that belongs to us belongs also to Him. Everything that belongs to Him belongs also to us. What, then, can we finally lose? If we lose not Christ Himself, we have finally lost nothing, for He is our treasure and He has our hearts.

One of my all-time favorite worship albums is Rita Springer's "Created to Worship", but if I had to pick one song two songs of hers, for Marsha right now, they'd be "It's Gonna Be Worth It All" and  "Freedom Reigns".

"Never Alone" by Barlow Girl also speaks so powerfully of faith:

I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.
I needed You today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
you said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

Chorus
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.

And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Chorus
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

We cannot separate
You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Chorus

...and a few from another one of my fave worship bands, WaterDeep, from their Worship Circle albums: "Big Enough to Hold Me":

...I know You, You, You are big enough to hold me
I know You Lord, yeah You
Will carry me through
How great, how high
How deep, how wide
Is Your love
The space in my mind is too small for You
The space in my heart is too small for You too
And all of things of the earth that i know
Are too small for all of the greatness You've shown
But in all of this i'm still facing my needs
And i'm scared of how big they feel to me
Nothing can separate from the love of Christ
All my doubts, He sees past and things to come

along with "I Will Not Forget You~ Ps.50" (which Third Day also did, but Waterdeep wrote it and I personally like WD's version better), "Come Fall On Us" and "Since I am So Sick":

Since I am so sick
Since I am in need
Since I have no healing within me
Oh, my God, be mindful of me
You are my help and my Redeemer
Oh, my God, be mindful of me
You are my help and my Redeemer
Unto You, oh Lord
I lift up my soul
In Your loving-kindness I believe
Surely those who wait on You
Will never be ashamed
All of those who call on You
Will know the faithfulness of Your name

Also "Why" by Michael Card:

Why did it have to be a friend who chose to betray the Lord?
and why did he use a kiss to show them, that's not what a kiss is for?
Only a friend can betray a friend, a stranger has nothing to gain.
and only a friend comes close enough to ever cause so much pain. Why did it have to be a thorny crown place upon his head?
It should have been a royal one, made of jewels and gold instead.
It had to be a crown of thorns, because in this world that we live,
all that would seek to love a thorn is all the world has to give.

Why did it have to be a heavy cross he was made to bear?
and why did they nail His feet and hands; His love would have held him there.
It was a cross for on a cross, a thief was supposed to pay.
and Jesus had come into the world to steal every heart away.

Yes, Jesus had come into the world to steal every heart away.

and "The Poem of Your Life", also by Michael Card.
"Eternal Father Strong to Save", as sung by Eden's Bridge.

And perhaps "The River" by Cece Winans, which is all about entrusting our children to the purposes of Adonai, especially when it means letting them go, and not understanding our circumstances. Marsha and David are having to commit their hopes and dreams for little Dozer into the Lord's keeping in a way that I just can't imagine, entrusting his future to his Maker... fully letting go (as Jochobed did when she placed Moses in that river so long ago). Though unknown, and yet veiled to us here on this side of eternity, Christian's purpose is indeed great in our Lord's awesomely eternal plan. How wonderful to know that he is in Heaven- in the very presence of our Lord, even now! What a blessed assurance, Joy in the midst of Sorrow, Peace in the midst of Suffering. Knowledge of this I know, the truth of which I pray would bring comfort to this family- daily.

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Yesterday was Tisha B'Av, which simply means the 9th day of the month of Av on the Hebrew calendar. Historically this is a very significant date which now commemmorates the destruction of the Temples of God's people (both of which were destroyed on this exact day), and a time for grieving and fasting, symbolically grieving over the distance between ourselves and God... thus it's also a time to meditate upon our own spiritual journeys, a time to ask God to direct us and show us the condition of our own heart and inner temple. To read more about this whole idea of a temple, you may read a wonderful article here, Does God Need a Temple?, which I just read this morning.

Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If any one destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and that temple you are.

~ 1 Corinthians 3:16-17

It actually all began way back when the ten of the twelve spies didn't believe God for the victory that He had already promised to them (see Numbers 13 & 14). You may click here to read more about "The Sin of the Spies" , an excerpt of which follows:

The Israelite community accepts the report, and gives up their dream of going into Israel. The consequence? If you don't want to enter the land, says God, then you won't enter the land. All Israelites will die out over the next 40 years in the desert, and only their children will enter the land.

Numbers 14:1 tells us the people's reaction to this news: "The people wept that night." That night was Tisha B'Av, the ninth day of the Jewish month of Av. God declared: "They cried for no reason; in the future I'll give them good reason to cry."

Hundreds of years later, the destruction of the First Temple was to occur on Tisha B'Av. And 500 years after that, the Second Temple was destroyed on Tisha B'Av as well.

Upon hearing the negative report about Israel, the people sat down to cry. The land had been promised, but their fears prevented them from going forward. At which point God responds: "Today you cried for nothing; in the future I'll give you a real reason to cry."

Talmud - Ta'anit 29a

I am reminded of my own unbelief... how many times have I not taken God at His Word, simply because of worldy, carnal circumstances. Because of fear... how much ground have I lost?

 7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

~ 2 Timothy 1

Upon realization of the state of my own temple, how my spirit does cry out to my Lord, Who is full of such grace and mercy!

23 Jesus said to him, If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believes. 24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help you my unbelief.

~ Mark 9

I wrote a brief post about Tisha B'Av here a couple of years ago.

If I forget you Jerusalem
May I forget my right hand
May my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth
If I ever don't think of you
If I don't raise up Jerusalem above my highest joy

 

~ Psalms 137:5,6

This weekend I've been reading from the book of Jeremiah, along with some of its contextual setting (a more concise summary of which I found in Mear's What the Bible is All About), and also yesterday and today- the book of Lamentations (which is traditionally read on the 9th of Av).

21 This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.

22 It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

23 They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness.

24 The LORD is my portion, said my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

25 The LORD is good to them that wait for him, to the soul that seeks him.

26 It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.

Av means "Father" in Hebrew... so it's the "month of Father", interesting... it is a time to consider our relationship with our Heavenly Father, and maybe even our earthly Fathers, deal with our past hurts, grievances, etc... This morning I listened to a fascinating broadcast by Dr. Michael Kavanabout here, where he shares some of the symbolisms found in Tish B'Av, along with his own spiritual reflections during this time.He discusses a bit of the process of getting back in touch with one's inner temple, explaining how grieving opens the heart, and then forgiveness opens the heart even wider. "Before we can forgive and come up into life (as seen later during Yom Kippur), we must go down into the darkness of the grave." Hmmm... that's a familiar concept there... reminds me of what our Messiah Yeshua did.

25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: 26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?

~ John 11

Through this process of greaving, and true repentance of sins, the way is made for a resurrection... the coming of the Messiah and great healing within us. How is the temple inside your heart? How is your ability to love?

I found a great post with further thoughts on Tisha B'Av here at Messianic Moments:

Tisha B'Av ... From Sorrow to Hope

and another here at Religion Transcends:

Celebrate Tisha B'Av!

Technorati Tags: 9th of Av, Tisha B'Av, Temple of God, Biblical Holidays, mourning, fasting

...in which I shall parallel post with Birdie, who does so often seem to exist in a universe parallel to my own...

This time, Birdie wrote a wonderfully insightful, honest post here about momma/baby-induced and spiritual sleepwalking. It's deceptively short, encompassing so very much more than is apparent at first glance, so much of what I myself have been going through, but at a loss of words for... I guess that I can just relate to her post there on so many levels right now that I thought I ought to go ahead and post about it too, sleepwalking that is. Birdie, you've inspired me with words, which I've been so short of lately, hope that you don't mind my hi-jacking your thoughts and running with them?

...sleepwalking, naturally momma.

First, on being up throughout the night with Baby S... and feeling like I'm sleepwalking through many of my days. There was a short time, when she was a few months old, and still sleeping in her co-sleeper beside my bed, rather than in our bed, as she does now, that she'd started actually sleeping through the night, or most of it anyways, only waking up once or twice. I do still usually put her down in her co-sleeper to start out the night, but now that she can, as soon as she stirs enough to notice I'm not beside her (usually within an hour or two) she crawls right over to me and snuggles so sweetly down beside me. It's become a habit that I adore, and one that Chris and I have decided is in her best interest to continue to allow (as well as our own>>sleep).

When I asked Chris if he thought that I should try and transition her to sleeping in her crib, now that she's almost one, he said no, that she still feels like too much a part of me. I'd have to agree with him, in that it would probably be too traumatic at this point, for all involved... I just wanted to give Chris plenty of room to let me know if he wanted me to change our sleeping arrangements. It helps that we have a king-sized bed too... couldn't do this in a double, or even a queen (for us).

I do, however, sometimes refer to it jokingly as "the dark side of attachment parenting"... as she often sleeps literally... attached to me. *snicker* This is where the pacifiers came in handy with my other two babies. Though I enjoy it too sometimes, it's not always the most comfortable arrangement for me. The bright side though, for us, is lots of cherished moments of closeness that could be had no other way which are undoubtedly laying a forever foundation of lovingly woven soul ties. There's also the fact that she'll be one year old next month and I still haven't had my monthly return yet. It's been almost two years now since I've had to deal with it! Gotta love that.

Yeah, sometimes co-sleeping (or not) can wear a Momma out... However, I prefer it the way it is now, for the most part. And now that she's napping on our bed well, alone, every afternoon, the world is brighter, I'm having more time to do other stuff... feel like I'm awake way more often! She still doesn't sleep much though, during the days, for a baby! I guess it's all that good sleep she's getting next to me each night. Heh!

Like Birdie, I too enjoy my night-time hours with the baby and the Lord, alone. It was the same way with N and T, and I've mused over this idea that the Lord gave this time of solitude to us Mothers, especially designed it even, as a window of opportunity to pray for their souls as we nourish their bodies and emotions through the dark of night. I really don’t mind that baby S usually wakes me every couple of hours for a suckle before sighing off back to sleep beside me… I actually will often even relish it, and find myself whispering lucid prayers that vanish with the morning light. But that's just me.

The thing is though, that except when she's having a particularly restless night due to teething, regardless of the fact that I've been woken by her numerous times in the night, I find that I now sleep very well with her beside me and am actually more well rested than I was with N and T when I was getting up and going to fetch them out of their cribs to tend to them, and standing over their cribs for loooooong minutes on end trying to console them back to sleep... or laying in my bed, listening to them cry for me in the next room. I think that made for many more days of sleepwalking than does co-sleeping with baby S.

And, as is the way of things... the natural realm is so often paralleled by the spiritual... sleepwalking, naturally momma.

Like Birdie, I too have recently felt like I’m coming out of a sleepwalking sort of fog, not only physically, but spiritually as well. I tend to get so caught up with tending to everything around me that I find I've neglected that which is most important, just sitting at my Master's feet, and making a point to guard that time, not only for myself, but for my family's sake too.

I think that this sort of spiritual atrophy happens naturally if we're not proactively working against it, and is thus a condition we as Believers must be on guard against, lest we be lulled into dull slumber for much of our spiritual lives. I do believe that it can come from lots of things, familiarity (how many of us have found ourselves sleepwalking - on autopilot- in our relationship with our spouse), boredom, long wilderness experiences (read- extended periods of waiting), unbelief, complacency, lack of teaching, vision, unconfessed sin, and the list goes on...

In the last couple of weeks (maybe longer?) I too have felt an awakening deep within. I'm not sure if it's a re-awakening, or something new - a deeper part- waking for the first time. I do know that I have found such solace and renewing strength from the Spirit as I’ve entered into His gates with praise and thanksgiving. In the last couple of days, as I mentioned in my prior post, one particular cd has been played over and over at my house, and particularly "Open the Gates", and "Awake!" as well as the title song on that cd just resonate within me right now.

I've found that when the Lord moves me so strongly through one or two songs in particular like this, there's good reason, and I'm learning to tune into the fact that spiritual battle is being waged. Time to wake up, hunker down, that I may stand.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

There was one year I'll never forget, a very hard year on many fronts, that I listened to one cd, over and over, receiving my very life-source from the Spirit, His Ruach HaKodesh, through worshiping Him during those hours. She's still one of my favorite voices. My kids remember going to sleep in my bed, by her music.

The Lord has been wooing me to get BACK into the habit of daily Bible reading/journal time with Him, and memorization of Scripture with the kids… I have felt such a soulish hunger, a spiritual thirst.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

Truly, it takes a proactive effort to get up, once one wakes up, rather than to just lay there in a groggy stupor. I am glad to be awake, and I am listening to the songs of praise that the morning birds sing to my soul, songs of promise and new life. I must only stop... be still. and sit. down. at the table that He - My CREATOR- the GOD of the Universe has already prepared for me and partake of Him, Living Bread, the Manna from heaven that I do need a fresh supply of daily. How much have I missed already for hurrying past Him, as He waits for me?

1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Technorati Tags: attachment parenting, co-sleeping, motherhood, sleepwalking, spiritual awakening, spiritual sleepwalking

Well, I wrote a little update about what our baby girl has been up to lately and need to now update you on our big girl, T's latest accomplishment.

As many of you know, T loves animals, and training them. She's specifically fond of horses, birds and dogs, and even more especially the ponies she rides, her late cockatiel and Samson, our German Shepherd dog, whom she's been "training" for years, and she and her brother's ferrets (one of which she'd also entered into a 4-H show last year).

Something I've really come to admire about T is how she'll get an inspiration, an idea, and will go after it with gusto... whether it's writing a story, creating or researching something, planning a project, or "training and showing" her animals. She keeps her eye on a goal and makes it happen, regardless of discouragement, doubts and sometimes a lot of waiting.

Here she is in 2005 (she was 6 years old, he was 6 months old!)  around the time that she first became interested in training and showing him.

...and another here.

For some time, she's wanted to enter Samson in a local dog show (held just for fun and to raise money for the local humane society) during our city's annual week-long "Fun Festival" celebration. Up until last week though, it hasn't worked out, since for the past couple of years, Fun Fest has been during the same week as the annual week-long Summer Horse Camp that N and T's riding instructor puts together and N and T have attended instead.

However, this year, we were able to attend Fun Fest's Pet Dog Parade, and I do believe the timing was perfect for both T and Samson. She wouldn't have really been big enough to handle his 100+ # self in such a public setting before now (and honestly, we even had our doubts last week, and went into it praying for them both) and Samson probably wouldn't have had the maturity to chill out before this summer. But try and tell T that... the horse camps were a wonderful time in and of themselves, but also offered timely delays.

So, she had been working with him for months now, daily, entirely on her own, and had their routine all worked out. She's been watching dog-training dvd's, and reading some seriously mature books about understanding and training dogs. The big day came last Monday evening... and she was ready, but we wondered... was he? I'm sorry to have to say that even I cautiously discouraged her from going through with it, because I was afraid that Samson wouldn't handle it well (visions of trauma, and her having to endure failure- he gets very protective and growly when we take him to the vet). She assured me that he would do fine, I relented- knowing that he's a good boy, and I'm a bit paranoid- and we entered him into three different categories.

They did quite well together. Chris and I were so proud of T as she took him into the ring all by herself, answered questions asked of her by the channel 10 news man, and of Samson, as he went along so obediently, and played nice. We were all pleasantly surprised (except T, who'd expected it all along) with how well Samson did in such a public setting, surrounded by hundreds of other dogs.

1. Handsomest Male: He tood 2nd place, out of 27 dogs! A dalmation took 1st, over him? Yeah, but YAY Samson and T!
2. Best Costume: Samson and T received an honorable mention in this category. The competition was steep, with extravagant costumes on dogs and owners alike. T was dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood, and Samson was the Big Bad Wolf, naturally, dressed up as Grandma. I thought they were absolutely adorable, T with her red cape that her Aunt Barbara made for her, and Samson with a scarf over his ears, definitely the cutest pair out there!
3. Best Tricks: Samson and T took 2nd place again! She did so good, competing against adults even. She had him sit and lay down by silent command, shake, do high-five/down low, jump up for a treat, and the clincher that made the crowd go "Whoooo...Aaaah" was when she balanced a treat on his nose, and he sat there with it, until she said "okay" at which point he tossed it up into the air and then caught it in his mouth (which she's taught him to do). A little schnauzer jumped through hoops to take 1st place, literally. She belonged to another homeschooling family that are friends of ourss, so it was fun to have them place before us. They deserved it!

As we left the show, N was triumphantly proclaiming, "Homeschoolers dominate!" Once again, T's big dreams and tenacity have paid off, and once again, she has inspired her older brother... along with the rest of our family. N has now already started working with Samson for next year's show, which he's claimed showing rights for.

And speaking of big... I took T shopping for new shoes last week, because only her flip-flops still fit her, and I am fumbling over the fact that she- at 9.5 years old- is now a size 8.5 in women's!  Our little girl is not so little anymore... *sighs* And it's apparent to me that it's not only her feet that are growing... I only hope that my own faith would someday fill her big-sized child-faith-shoes. Once again, she's humbled me... and I am the one who's learning here- from her.

If only I could maintain and apply that same amount of faith that she has in our dog... to believing more in her innate abilities, in her brother's, in our relaxed approach to schooling, and in God's ability to bless my meager efforts to give and guide when and how I am able to in a meaningful way. If only I could dream that big with my husband today, and everyday, to joyfully invite adventure by taking more risks! Truly, to have the faith of a child... 'twould be good. I must remember, as did my determined little big girl, that it simply begins with following through on an inspired vision, the committed work of giving a whole lot of little bits of daily efforts, and then ignoring all the smart big people voices that discourage, "it won't work, you're not ready, etc., etc..."

Some of the most beautiful accomplishments my children have made have been those that they've done of their own accord and inspiration. As they are getting older, I am finding renewed vigor and validation to relax and enjoy this adventure of learning together, all the time!

And He called a little child to Himself and put him in the midst of them, And said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent and become like little children, you can never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

~ Matthew 18.2-4

 Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith will it be done to you";

~ Matthew 9.29

My prayer today is this:

Lord, help my unbelief, touch my eyes that I may see and believe as a child does... and let not my lack of faith be a stumbling block to others. Help me to inspire and come alongside my children in meaningful ways, that I would never stamp out their sparks of interest, nor squelch their faith to go after big dreams, and stunt potential accomplishments. I know that you can do this... I do not want to get in the way.

**Update** T just wrote about the dog show here over at her blog.

Obviously, not blogging, heh. We've had some serious computer issues in the last few weeks. Our iMac has been out of commission for a couple of weeks now, and after downloading all of our files and pictures onto cd-roms while having it in safe mode (the only way it would even work- I am SO thankful to have been able to save my photos!!), and then a few nights of fruitless frustration as Chris tried to diagnose and fix it on his own via Mac-help forums- mr.mac is now in the shop. We've yet to hear back what's wrong with it though, and hoping it's not too much $$ to fix.

Meanwhile we've been dependent upon Chris's ancient lap-top with it's finicky wireless internet connection (which all last week wouldn't even connect- at all!?) for any online access. And it's so s-l-o-w too and thus, until now, I've not even attempted to get online for quite awhile. We've been so busy around here lately, that I haven't had time to miss my online access too much anyway.  Sorry if you've emailed me and I haven't responded yet... now you know why.

This morning, a friend called and offered to take N and T to the park with her kids, and now baby S is napping, so I thought that I'd take advantage of these few moments of solitude to attempt a little updating here (albeit partial). I read my previous rambling post and am embarrassed at how grammatically pitful it is! So sorry, and I do hope that this post isn't as bad. I was tempted to edit the other, but thought that I'd better go ahead and just write a new post instead, so... thank you to all of my readers who read my musings, despite their flightiness and many technical flaws. I love you, and am indebted to your patience in reading my rambling scribblings in their raw, unedited state.

Obviously, I cannot write everything that I'd like to in this post. (can I, ever?).. so I'll brainstorm a quick update of recent happenings with the brew crew here, and then fill in the blanks later as I'm able (have time and onlince access).

So now, in no particular chronological or reasonable order, the virtual brain download shall ensue...

We've been blessed to have lots of visits this summer, by friends and family from afar. My mom recently visited with us from MS, and we had a good time. Our friends from FL, Russ and Barbara, were here for a few days and nights, the week before last. We always have a good time catching up, and it's like no time has passed since last we saw them. We just found out that some other friends of ours from FL, John and Jennifer W., will be stopping in for a visit next week, on their way back from vacation. We haven't seen them for years, so that will be fun! And I also recently got word from my sister that she's going to come up here for a visit, with her kids, also next week, so we will have a house FULL. It will be so good to see her again (she came here when baby S was born, but I wasn't very good company then, so it'll be good to see her now that I'm myself again, and I'm so glad that she'll get to see baby S again), and her kids, whom we've not seen for a couple of years.

I have been up to my eyeballs in planning our reading schedule for the summer and next year (Ambleside Online inspired), though I put all of that aside last week, due to an unexpected turn of events. Last week was Creative Arts Camp at our church, and as I was leaving from dropping N and T off on Monday morning, I stopped to remind Elizabeth, director for the dance ministry, that I was available throughout the week to help- if there be any need. She suggested that I stay for the adult art class at 10 o'clock. I was caught quite off guard as I'd not expected this, and had all sorts of plans of stuff I needed to do last week, so I thanked her for the invite, and said I'd think about it and may return (it was only 8:40 a.m.).

I then got in the car with baby S and went grocery shopping, having pretty much dismissed the idea. But I kept thinking that maybe I ought to go (nursery was provided) and just take an hour "off" -for me- and it might be fun to get my hands dirty with some art, hadn't done that in awhile. So... feeling spontaneous and daring, I quickly dropped the groceries off at home and jetted back to the church for "class", figured that it would be good for me, and it was so sweet of Elizabeth to offer, afterall. Then after art class, I was told that I should go to the adult tap class, and since I had my tap shoes there (N was using them for his class) I did, and after tap, when I went to pick baby S up from the nursery, Elizabeth, who was in the nursery with her daughter at the time, asked me why I was leaving, and said that I ought to stay for the whole day (two more dance classes), all week (free of charge)... and so I did, and thus, I unexpectedly ended up at Creative Arts Camp, with my kids, from 8:40-2:30, Monday through Friday of last week. It was SO tiring, and SO MUCH fun!

I found out that I absolutely love ballet (never would have guessed this- I am so not graceful) and was SO sore all week from it as well. I have even decided to take the adult ladies ballet class, starting in the Fall. It will be a great way to exercise, with accountability, and a creative way to worship as well. I never would have suspected how much I'd like ballet, nor how strenuous the techniques and choreography my teacher would teach us would be, and how worshipful the experience.

Also, something else that happened at camp last week that was neat-O (besides making art!)... I got to talking with the lady who was teaching the art class for adults, who recently moved here to TN with her family. She asked if I attend Celebration Church, to which I answered that yes, we do, but also shared about our other Messianic/Hebraic fellowship group that we meet with a few times a month, host a discipleship class for, and celebrate the Biblical feasts with as well. I was taken quite by surprise when she lit up and excitedly exclaimed, "That's just what we've been looking for!" And so, they're coming over on Wed. evening for our book/Bible study group, and looking forward to attending one of our monthly Hebraic fellowships. How cool is that?! Divine appointments...

What else have we been up to? Lately, I've been reading my Square Foot Gardening book, The Farmer's Almanac, The Count of Monte Cristo, Parables of Nature (read-aloud to N and T), The Book of the Dun Cow (also read-aloud) and CM's Homeschooling Series).

We planned and planted our summer garden by the moon this year (my fifth year of gardening- organically), with some raised beds (something I've wanted to try for years), nice (more on that later, for sure, with pictures of course). Now we're doing lots of watering, weeding and bug squashing.

T has been saving many of our cabbage worms and putting them in a terrarium that she's set up in her room, and has been delighted to watch them form chrysalises and then morph into butterflies right before her eyes. She's now "raised" five butterflies so far (more just emerged last night), and has figured out that it takes them about a week and two days to transform. Now she's begging me to let these cabbage butterflies (my garden nemesis!) live... *sighs* I told her that we could do a butterfly drop at the local state park soon.

We went and saw Prince Caspian awhile back, with my Mom while she was here. We all liked it (though due to baby S's eventual restlessness, I had to leave the theatre half way into it). T re-read the book in preparation for watching the movie. I'd read it aloud to N and T, along with the other Chronicles of Narnia books, a couple of years ago. Also, that reminds me, N recently read The Hobbit, and then The Two Towers and so Chris and I conceded decided to let him watch TLoTR trilogy for the first time last month, and he LOVES it. He was glad that he'd read the books first, and says he wishes the same producers would make a movie of The Hobbit. Then we recently found out that they ARE!

As you may remember, we've recently finished our first year of being involved in a homeschool co-op (actually two separate co-ops!). I haven't posted much about them, due to it's being such a busy year with having a newborn and all (baby S was 2 wks. old when we started last Fall), but overall, we all liked it. We did end up dropping the second co-op after the first semester, found that two was too much, the kids agreed. I'm glad that we'd decided to try out the second one though, because that ended up being the one that we all found we preferred (for various reasons) and stuck with for the second semester and will continue to be a part of next year, though only for one hour/class each week.

I found that the benefits of co-op were social/relational as much as academic, naturally (probably even more so for the kids, who definitely value the social aspect the most). We met some great new friends there, definitely destiny. I've found that it's going to be really important to make sure that co-op complements, rather than competes with (time-wise and methodology-wise), what we're doing with our own studies and goals at home, if co-op is to continue to be worth the time and effort it requires of me/us in years to come... We'll simply play it by ear, from one year to the next.

N is still taking guitar lessons, and will continue with that. T is so very excited about starting violin lessons next year (via a strings class being offered at co-op next year). Actually, her strings class is the only reason we're participating in co-op next year. N says that he'd prefer to work with me in the nursery during that hour, but I'm hoping that something will be offered that he's interested in.

I've felt such a relief these last few months as I've pondered and prayed over what direction to take my kids in our studies in the future. The Lord has reminded me to keep our Bible studies and devotional time first and foremost. For the summer, I've printed out a list of Scripture references from the Gospels, arranged chronologically, that N and T are looking up and reading independently in their own Bibles each day. They're then writing down their thoughts, from each reading, as to what stood out to them the most, and why, in their Bible journals. They're both really enjoying the consistent routine and simplicity of this, and I've been so blessed to listen as they read to me from their Bible journals.

Finally, clarity of focus is taking hold of my planning again, and I've felt renewed in my dedication to the discipline of prioritizing our daily endeavors. I'm scheduling our reading lists with a view towards our years to come, yet determined to take it slow and steady enough to enjoy where we are at each point along the way. It's all so simple, really, and yet I do tend to over-complicate things if I'm not careful. 

I do believe that I've finally learned that truly, less is more, and as I've been reorganizing the books on our shelves into the order that they're found or relate to AO years, I've been wondering over how I've come full circle now back to the very first curriculum that the Lord led me to so many years ago when we first began... when now 12yo N was only six years old! But I doubted and fretted and wandered away, only to return with regrets for time and focus lost, as we dabbled with this and that. At least for all of our eclectic stumblings, I've gained determination and perspective... and I certainly know what we're not about! LOL

The more I read, the more I believe in Charlotte Mason's methods, and uderstand how intrinsically practical truths are applied throughout her educational philosophy. I'm glad to finally be getting rid of all this extraneous stuff (curriculum I'd been holding on to and trying in vain to use all of these years, and have been selling these last few months) after realizing that all of my wayward efforts to add to and over-tweak Ambleside in the last couple years has done nothing but side-track and bog us down in our studies... After years of dabbling with AO, while simultaneously trying to do other stuff, I have finally realized my error has been in my hoarding and accruing TOO much stuff.

As I think back over the past few years, and how busy life has had us (especially the year before this last one, when we babysat two infants and two toddlers) I can't help but to realize that - had I been focused and determined upon our course with AO, in its unrushed yet meaty simplicity - we would have gotten so much more accomplished. *sighs* And so, as I survey the BIG picture of our homeschooling history thus far, it is with humble misgivings over mistakes made and lessons learned that I end this year. I vow to not over-complicate the process from here on out... and if this rambling doesn't make much sense to you, then forgive me, it's more for my own self that I'm writing this out really, just part of the journey, my learning.

Well, baby S is awake now, N and T just got home, and I've got to take N to guitar practice now. Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. The garden and house were pretty much neglected last week as the kids and I played and worshipped our Lord at Creative Arts camp, and this lap top is so slow, so it may be a while yet before I have a chance to blog some more. Also, my email access is limited since I have to log on to charter's website to check my email, and my online access is limited at that. I hope that our computer issues are resolved soon though, as I'm feeling quite disconnected...

----------------
Listening to: Jami Smith - Needy
via FoxyTunes

Lately, as you may have noticed, I just simply haven't been blogging much. And as all blogging sabbaticals are, it's been good... I'm glad to say that I have, however, been writing, just not publicly. I've turned, once again, to recording my thoughts in a private journal, with old-fashioned pen and paper... and it's been refreshing, familiar and wonderful, like spending time with a comfortable old friend. I shall continue in this good habit of writing privately, a renewed love of mine with multi-faceted rewards that blogging simply cannot duplicate.

I have lately felt absolutely no obligation to blog, which is good too. To be honest, in the past when I've thought about blogging, (or my lack thereof) I've either been plagued with

1. an irrational, self-induced sense of guilt for not keeping up with this hobby better (by what/whose standards anyways?! I dunno... like I said, it's completely irrational, and probably due to hormonal spells of obsessiveness), or
2. a sense of relief at not even thinking of it, or
3. upon a quick perusal of blogs perceived to be fancier, more focused, smarter and deeper (better *ahem*) than mine (by my already faulty, backwards perspective) have fallen prey to that sinister temptation of comparing mine to there's (and yes have had to repent for my sorry sense of purpose and covetousness) and thus been overwhelmed with a sinking sense of failure OR
4. have even actually even considered pulling the plug altogether just to be truly free from the madness! *laughing smirkily here*

I had confided in a couple of friends that I'd considered this recently, quitting blogging (yes, seriously). And as good friends do, they just listened... I think that my main reason being to escape that feeling of obligation to this machine and its endless trappings and tentacles which have at times, over the three years now that I've been at this, wrapped intrusively around my heart... stolen way too much of my time, and rediculous though it may be, even paralyzed my musings with the felt expectations or supposed reactions and perceptions of the many nameless visitors that find me here each day (my stats show that I'm averaging 41 visitors a day right now -not much to some, but still daunting to me, and that's without my even writing regularly or commenting elsewhere, and it easily jumps up to 60+ when I'm actively posting more regularly... scary thought). I'm the type that, if I think about it too much, actually begins to get a bit nervous at seeing all those virtual eyes looking my way, thus my recent questioning...

I'm glad to say now though, that after further consideration, and I think just by working through all of this prayerfully for quite some time, and even leaving it altogether alone for spells as well, I have come to a good place. I'm resolved... I will continue to blog, or not... without obligation. I know, I know, it's all so simple really! Why all the hullabaloo anyways?! I guess one could say that I'm just one of those who tendeth to thinketh too mucheth... too mucheth. *smiles* And I know it to be true, but knowing this doesn't negate the reality created within me to be dealt with... It's all rather hard to explain actually, the spiritual/mental and emotional wrestlings I've had over blogging, all of which most bloggers will most likely understand anyways without my even having to explain, and others probably not, no matter how much I explained.

As I wrote to a dear friend of mine last week, who did recently switch her blog to "private" (meaning that only her friends who are invited and signed in by password can visit it):

Yeah, I get all creeped out sometimes too, if I think too much about how *public* my blog is... and lately I've even questioned whether or not to continue with blogging. The thing of it is though that I just love to write/share sometimes, it's such a great creative outlet. I tend to vacsillate back and forth between wanting to be more transparent and open/meaningful in my writings OR just wanting to pull the plug and shut it down completely! *lol* ...for feeling overexposed I guess, can't win! *lol*And here recently I've had a couple of local ladies, whom I've now met in real life, find my blog and shared with me how much it (my writings?!) ministered to and encouraged them. So... I feel like the timing of it was maybe timely encouragement to me not to just delete my blog entirely (yeah, I've actually considered it, heh!)... I dunno though, I've also considered just going private, because my family really does like keeping up with it, I think it must be true what Chris says, I'm just fickle.

Also, lately I've been so painfully aware of how fast the days are flying by, and determinedly making the most of my time with Nathan and Tabitha, who are growing up way too fast... and the same with little Savannah's baby-days, just savoring holding and playing with her so much. So, between that and keeping the house relatively clean (another recently more fulfilling conquest that blesses us all), laundry done and cooking, spending time with hubby, coop, shopping, etc. not much time is left for blogging anyways it seems. And the last few times that I got out and read some other peoples' blogs, I was left with such a sinking feeling of how sorry and shallow my ramblings of late have been too... and that's brought me to where I've left it, that I just don't care if I have nothing profound to say, it's just there for me to write in when I want to or am able, nothing more, nothing less. How was that for a nice run on sentence? And I've prayed that it would be a tool for the Lord to use to encourage others as He sees fit, in all its simplicity, and apparently He has, and even let me meet the ladies personally, and I did meet you by way of it too... so I guess that's His way of maybe saying it's alright, and don't make more or less of it than what it is... so I basicly don't think about it too much. Did that all make sense?

And I'm reminded of all of the wonderful, dear friends and acquaintances that I've made via blogging... really amazing, special women that have challenged, changed and inspired me tremendously over the years... ladies I've come to love and respect... Not to mention how rewarding its been to me personally, on so many various levels, to have learned to write with such regularity, to reflect more often through written words than I would have otherwise these last few years...

Then a couple of days ago I came across this post over at Julie's blog, blogging without obligation, and could so identify as I felt such a sense of relief just to read my own recent thoughts on blogging written out in such a simple, concise manner. I guess it's sort of comforting to be reminded of how common my perplexions are among other bloggers. And so, this is why I'm adding that cute little "blogging without obligation" button to my sidebar, simply to remind myself… should those old obligatory, smothering self-induced expectations of blogging vanities return to nag my mind, that I blog without obligation.

And so, blog I shall... because I do love to post when inspiration strikes, as it can be so cathartic, fruitful and worth every bit of effort spent, when kept in balance. I would afterall like to continue this blogging journey. Recording my family's adventures here and sharing with you all bits of my own mental and spiritual wanderings as I'm able has become a sort of artistic endeavor for me, and one that I'm now reassured, once again, has my Lord's blessing... so long as I do it without obligation to anyone but Him... which is ultimately what I've sought to know and what matters most to me, and I'm leaving it at that.

Look to yourselves, that we do not lose those things we worked for, but that we may receive a full reward.

2 John 1.8

Father, may I not turn aside from Your plan and purpose for my life each moment of every day... Lord, keep me in Your Way. Thank you for continuing to teach me to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom. May my scribblings and time spent here on this blog and elsewhere online somehow contribute to Your ultimate good and great restoration within my own heart and those whom I come into contact with.

And here is what I picked up from Julie's blog (though originally found here) a short list of reminders for obsessive types like myself. It makes me laugh because it's so true...

Blogging Without Obligation
If you feel the same way feel free to grab the logo, make a logo or whatever you would like to do!

I release all the logos, thoughts and words mentioned here about this concept into the public domain. Take the idea and run with it. . .or walk away. It is all good.

• Because you shouldn’t have to look at your blog like it is a treadmill.

• Because its okay to just say what you have to say. If that makes for a long post, fine. Short post, fine. Frequent post, fine. Infrequent post, fine.

• Because its okay to not always be enthralled with the sound of your own typing.

• Because sometimes less is more.

• Because only blogging when you feel truly inspired keeps up the integrity of your blog.

• Because they are probably not going to inscribe your stat, link and comment numbers on your tombstone.

• Because for most of us blogging is just a hobby. A way to express yourself and connect with others. You should not have to apologize for lapses in posts. Just take a step back and enjoy life, not everything you do has to be “bloggable”.

• Because if you blog without obligation you will naturally keep your blog around longer, because it won’t be a chore. Plus, just think you will be doing your part to eradicate post pollution. One post at a time. . .

Remember these two miracle babies?

Well, here they are about a month (or two?!) ago now... cute as can be!

Babies S & V

Isn't our heavenly Father just amazing? I squeeze this girl and thank Him for her, N and T every day. I can hardly believe that baby V has a tooth already and is already tasting new foods! Baby S has quite a few new tricks lately too... let's see, where to start? She seems to be changing so much every day!

She loves to grab her feet and try to stick them in her mouth, along with everything else. She's gotten very good at picking things up and then retrieving them once she's dropped them. She reaches out to touch everything now. She is noticeably interested in her board books, grabs the pages and turns them (well it seems like she's turning them anyways! and stares intently at the pages. One of her favorite places (besides co-sleeping in our big bed or riding around on my hip) is her bouncer, where she jumps around like a little wild thing. She just smiles and laughs a lot too, we're all totally smitten with her.

I think we need to get little S and V together with L for another photo op soon! Cindy, Susie? ...we could let the bigguns run wild for a couple hours while we have some coffee, gab and watch the babies roll and scoot around on the floor. I'm sure that we could even think up some educational categorization for the time well spent.

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Now playing: John Mayer - Waiting on the World to Change
via FoxyTunes

Studying like a Berean takes time... and one thing that I've learned over the years is not to rush through articles or books when I'm studying any aspect of the Word. Inevitably when I take on a new study, once I begin digging, I'll usually end up with more questions first, as my thoughts are stirred up, and then as I search out and ponder the answers, I'll find myself surrounded with numerous books, articles and Bibles as well as invaluable input from other like-minded Berean-type Believer friends whom I've consulted with questions concerning any given topic/issue...

And so it has gone for me in this last week as I've ventured into this particular study as well, which Julie is hosting here. Thus I'm still gathering my thoughts on the first three portions of the study, all of which I've now read, but am still holding up for analysis. So far, I've really appreciated the fact that doing this study has gotten me digging deeper, praying more specifically about some things and formulating more concretely what I believe. That is always good... and I just love when the Lord prompts me in a direction and I sense His gentle guidance as I go along.

I was glad when Julie announced that she'd slow down the pace a wee bit, as I would be pretty behind at this point if she hadn't, since when endeavoring to "study" an issue, I usually end up doing more than a simple read-through of any given materials... and right now I have a lot on my plate already. What can I say? I'm a slow eater in the physical realm as well... but I hear that's good for digestion anyways, and so I've resigned myself to the fact. And as much as I love my scholar's hat, there are quite a few others I must dawn every day as well, and so, I must allot my time wisely, which means putting away my books (which I could easily while away my days in) to get out the kids' books and study with them, or joining Chris when he says, "Let's watch a movie" or "Let's take the kids to the park", and then there's every Mom's never-ending nemesis... house cleaning and laundry, of course... in my case lately, piles of laundry, which I can tolerate covering the couch for a couple of days, but when the pile starts to encompass the floor around the couch, and I'm having to dig through it to find clean bibs for the spit-up queen, I must determine to set aside my reading- yet again (which have I mentioned, I much prefer?)... to take up the mundane. But like I said,