Jul 27 2008
on sleepwalking
...in which I shall parallel post with Birdie, who does so often seem to exist in a universe parallel to my own...
This time, Birdie wrote a wonderfully insightful, honest post here about momma/baby-induced and spiritual sleepwalking. It's deceptively short, encompassing so very much more than is apparent at first glance, so much of what I myself have been going through, but at a loss of words for... I guess that I can just relate to her post there on so many levels right now that I thought I ought to go ahead and post about it too, sleepwalking that is. Birdie, you've inspired me with words, which I've been so short of lately, hope that you don't mind my hi-jacking your thoughts and running with them?
...sleepwalking, naturally momma.
First, on being up throughout the night with Baby S... and feeling like I'm sleepwalking through many of my days. There was a short time, when she was a few months old, and still sleeping in her co-sleeper beside my bed, rather than in our bed, as she does now, that she'd started actually sleeping through the night, or most of it anyways, only waking up once or twice. I do still usually put her down in her co-sleeper to start out the night, but now that she can, as soon as she stirs enough to notice I'm not beside her (usually within an hour or two) she crawls right over to me and snuggles so sweetly down beside me. It's become a habit that I adore, and one that Chris and I have decided is in her best interest to continue to allow (as well as our own>>sleep).
When I asked Chris if he thought that I should try and transition her to sleeping in her crib, now that she's almost one, he said no, that she still feels like too much a part of me. I'd have to agree with him, in that it would probably be too traumatic at this point, for all involved... I just wanted to give Chris plenty of room to let me know if he wanted me to change our sleeping arrangements. It helps that we have a king-sized bed too... couldn't do this in a double, or even a queen (for us).
I do, however, sometimes refer to it jokingly as "the dark side of attachment parenting"... as she often sleeps literally... attached to me. *snicker* This is where the pacifiers came in handy with my other two babies. Though I enjoy it too sometimes, it's not always the most comfortable arrangement for me. The bright side though, for us, is lots of cherished moments of closeness that could be had no other way which are undoubtedly laying a forever foundation of lovingly woven soul ties. There's also the fact that she'll be one year old next month and I still haven't had my monthly return yet. It's been almost two years now since I've had to deal with it! Gotta love that.
Yeah, sometimes co-sleeping (or not) can wear a Momma out... However, I prefer it the way it is now, for the most part. And now that she's napping on our bed well, alone, every afternoon, the world is brighter, I'm having more time to do other stuff... feel like I'm awake way more often! She still doesn't sleep much though, during the days, for a baby! I guess it's all that good sleep she's getting next to me each night. Heh!
Like Birdie, I too enjoy my night-time hours with the baby and the Lord, alone. It was the same way with N and T, and I've mused over this idea that the Lord gave this time of solitude to us Mothers, especially designed it even, as a window of opportunity to pray for their souls as we nourish their bodies and emotions through the dark of night. I really don’t mind that baby S usually wakes me every couple of hours for a suckle before sighing off back to sleep beside me… I actually will often even relish it, and find myself whispering lucid prayers that vanish with the morning light. But that's just me.
The thing is though, that except when she's having a particularly restless night due to teething, regardless of the fact that I've been woken by her numerous times in the night, I find that I now sleep very well with her beside me and am actually more well rested than I was with N and T when I was getting up and going to fetch them out of their cribs to tend to them, and standing over their cribs for loooooong minutes on end trying to console them back to sleep... or laying in my bed, listening to them cry for me in the next room. I think that made for many more days of sleepwalking than does co-sleeping with baby S.
And, as is the way of things... the natural realm is so often paralleled by the spiritual... sleepwalking, naturally momma.
Like Birdie, I too have recently felt like I’m coming out of a sleepwalking sort of fog, not only physically, but spiritually as well. I tend to get so caught up with tending to everything around me that I find I've neglected that which is most important, just sitting at my Master's feet, and making a point to guard that time, not only for myself, but for my family's sake too.
I think that this sort of spiritual atrophy happens naturally if we're not proactively working against it, and is thus a condition we as Believers must be on guard against, lest we be lulled into dull slumber for much of our spiritual lives. I do believe that it can come from lots of things, familiarity (how many of us have found ourselves sleepwalking - on autopilot- in our relationship with our spouse), boredom, long wilderness experiences (read- extended periods of waiting), unbelief, complacency, lack of teaching, vision, unconfessed sin, and the list goes on...
In the last couple of weeks (maybe longer?) I too have felt an awakening deep within. I'm not sure if it's a re-awakening, or something new - a deeper part- waking for the first time. I do know that I have found such solace and renewing strength from the Spirit as I’ve entered into His gates with praise and thanksgiving. In the last couple of days, as I mentioned in my prior post, one particular cd has been played over and over at my house, and particularly "Open the Gates", and "Awake!" as well as the title song on that cd just resonate within me right now.
I've found that when the Lord moves me so strongly through one or two songs in particular like this, there's good reason, and I'm learning to tune into the fact that spiritual battle is being waged. Time to wake up, hunker down, that I may stand.
There was one year I'll never forget, a very hard year on many fronts, that I listened to one cd, over and over, receiving my very life-source from the Spirit, His Ruach HaKodesh, through worshiping Him during those hours. She's still one of my favorite voices. My kids remember going to sleep in my bed, by her music.
The Lord has been wooing me to get BACK into the habit of daily Bible reading/journal time with Him, and memorization of Scripture with the kids… I have felt such a soulish hunger, a spiritual thirst.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Truly, it takes a proactive effort to get up, once one wakes up, rather than to just lay there in a groggy stupor. I am glad to be awake, and I am listening to the songs of praise that the morning birds sing to my soul, songs of promise and new life. I must only stop... be still. and sit. down. at the table that He - My CREATOR- the GOD of the Universe has already prepared for me and partake of Him, Living Bread, the Manna from heaven that I do need a fresh supply of daily. How much have I missed already for hurrying past Him, as He waits for me?
1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
Technorati Tags: attachment parenting, co-sleeping, motherhood, sleepwalking, spiritual awakening, spiritual sleepwalking
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This is just beautiful.
Thanks Christine.
Oh, you have such a gift with words, Beth!
Thank you Birdie,
I was worried that maybe I had taken too much liberty with your original idea. I sure hope not, didn’t want it to come across like I thought anything even necessarily needed to be added to what you were saying… you just got me thinking out loud I guess, tapped into what’s already been in my heart and on my mind lately.
Today I was talking with a friend who’s also been going through the same, and mentioned how *lonely* she’s felt, and found herself just crying out to the Lord at the stove last night. Loneliness is an aspect that I didn’t even touch upon, hadn’t even thought of!! but that could be a HUGE aspect of the “sleepwalking phenomenon”, especially for us SAHM’s/homeschoolers/women!, who can tend to get so isolated, since what we do does lend itself so well to homebodiness (is that a word?). And we were talking about the balance of not depending too much upon, nor needing other people to fill that spot than only God can fill, but yet getting the interaction and fellowship/support that we DO need from eachother, as mothers and then as women of God as well- to talk things out, just laugh together, etc…
Also, funniest thing happened last night too, as I was sitting there trying to plan out our grammar schedule for this year, kids asleep, had the tv on for amusement/ background noise/ diversion (enough disclaimers?) *lol*, and it was on a makeover show, and the lady was commenting (in response to being asked what she felt was *wrong* with her) on how she just felt like she was *sleepwalking* through her days… not able to be herself and so on. So anyways… I’d venture to say that it’s a common ailment for sure, and as complex and varying as are people and yet so much the same. Of course, from the company this woman was keeping, hers was of a spiritual nature that the makeover wasn’t going to simply cure, ie; she needs Jesus first, but still, the timing and terminology intrigued me. As Chris says, and I find it’s true too, funny how oftentimes when some idea/concept or truth comes up, it seems to come up numerous times within a day or two of, from totally unrelated sources, like parts of the same message. Hmmmm… kinda reminds me of that phenomenon of when you get a new car, and all of a sudden you then see the same make and model everywhere you go.
Anyways, thanks for posting about it to begin with, and for commenting, good sharing with you. I’ve gotta go make dinner now.