Me and my Prince… a meditation

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

~ Proverbs 31.11-12

I often just spontaneously pick up different books (from a table or bookshelf, good reads are always strewn throughout our house) and start reading… and it never ceases to amaze me how my Lord does so often, so specifically meet me right where I am, in that moment, lending me such needed, unexpected insights into one of my many “open questions” I’ve left waiting on the shelf, before Him – nuggets – or words of wisdom to replenish my soul, often confirming an angle, or thought pertaining to some ongoing conversation between us… It truly seems as if He’s always bringing in and arranging such nice, NEW furniture… filling up this house of mine with treasures divine… this morning He met me again…

Last night He’d once again drawn my attention to how very critically my mind will tend to work over the doings and speaking of my precious husband… not even extending him the same grace which I do usually have for everyone else, but him – my closest friend… Why is this? And what is scary, and has so grieved my heart, is that usually I don’t even see it right off… until it’s too late, and the damage is already done… as my husband’s frustrated reactions will then *eventually* (if I’ve let myself go, unchecked, too long) attest to. I don’t want him to EVER have to gently try and show me how hurt he’s been by my critical eye AGAIN! Uggh, I do so hate that I do what I do NOT want to do…

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

~ Romans 7.15

It’s so easy, TOO easy to become overly comfortable, and apathetic with/towards this man that I chose to have and to hold over ten years ago now, to love and to cherish until death do us part.

In His faithfulness, my Lord has once again shown me the error of my ways – just how damaging my words have been to Chris, which then makes him overly sensitive too, and in turn breeds a critical spirit within him, towards me… How very devastating my own thoughts toward him even, and our then mutually critical, and resentfully defensive feelings toward each other are to our relationship. I know that every couple has to go through a degree(s) of disillusionment, and reality checks as to what marriage really IS, versus what we thought it would be like as little boys and girls grown into young men and ladies… awaiting our own fairy-tale days of marital bliss…

My Prince & Knight in Shining Armor~

My wonderful Prince Charming, my Knight in Shining Armour – Chris – did truly arrive in splendor over 10 yrs. ago, and has, in many ways saved me from myself, patiently helping me fight off the ghosts of my past, and slaying so many dragons in our life – with me – over the years. Yet, arriving at that fabled castle of glorious communion, for a life of living *happily ever after* has turned out to be a bit illusive, and not as short a trip as I’d once thought it would be… I’m beginning to see that it can only happen after the *journey* has been made (you know, with him carrying me off on the back of his great white steed), as our history together is established.

I’m learning that this journey – the getting there – is where most of our marriage has thusfar been, and will continue to be taking place… marriage is the long, arduous road through the dangers of the deep, dark forest that I’d never even accounted for in my virgin dreams of romantic bliss… Life at the castle, you know, is more how I’d envisioned marriage would be. I’m finally beginning to realize that the castle we’re longing to reach together is really the Kingdom of God within us both… We’ve shared glimpses of it over the horizon, have seen glints of it reflected in our children’s eyes, and even grasped its essence within those precious times of our loving acceptance and contentedness with one another. We will get there, together… and the journey is getting easier, as our focus crystallizes, and our comradery strengthens. I/we continue to shed the weight of extra baggage – burdens – that we MUST let go of, and leave with Jesus…

And so, as I went to sleep last night, I was so filled with sorrow, and hopefully TRUE repentance over the absence of “kind words” in our conversations… in my lately selfishly negligent efforts at building him up… Yes, I do have kind *thoughts* in my heart towards my husband, but they need to more often find their way to my mouth!! I’m often remiss, and do not make the effort to speak them aloud as I should. He needs to KNOW that I love and admire him.

Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.

~ Proverbs 27.5

Yet, I do tend to manage the words of criticalness that spout out of that unholy abyss of irrationally felt fears within me, the words that non-descriminately lash out at him, and really tear him down… for this I’m so regretful. It inevitably leaves very little room for the very emotional intimacy that I do so crave… that we all need. It’s such an ironic tragedy really, the cycle that this process creates… Me feeling insecure (granted – a lot of this has been due to very trialsome, stressful situations in our life over the years, but STILL! I need to be more supportive, more prayerfully considerate of him and what he’s going through as well), or fearful, and then becoming critical, and lax in my own self-discipline, lambasting him (nicely, and “meekly” you know…*sly smile*…of course, yeah right…) with subtle accusations, masked in pretenses of “concern”, and “just trying to help”, etc. What a charade I’ve lent my own heart to believing in – all those decisive moments of ignoring HIS ever so s-t-i-l-l, small voice… and instead opening my big, ugly mouth, letting my fleshy tongue have its own, selfishly wagging way – more times than not…

But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

~ James 3.8

Oh Father, help me… *sighs* Help me to REALLY love my husband, and even as I do truly long to be loved - ALLOW him to love me… Give me the words of kindness and strength that he needs to hear… HELP me to embrace his companionship with open > contented > abandonment for him, give me the courage to release myself to him, and in so doing >> to YOU. And then, maybe he will trust me more, love me longer, and we will truly become as one…

The tapestry that you’ve chosen to cover our marriage bed – this most exquisite piece of furniture in my house – is truly a rich one, woven of such fine threads that I would not have known to choose without Your knowing guidance… Lord, help me to weave it aright, and help me to see the pattern you’ve established, the one that only shows up on the other side – the one you will one day put on display… meanwhile I’m just so overwhelmed with all of these threads and tangles… help me to be faithful, even as You are faithful… Thank you for giving me this Word today… Help me to perform it in sincere humility.

And the law of kindness is on her tongue.

~Proverbs 31.26

In joining two people together as husband and wife, God has arranged that there should be subjection and love in the family. He has not asked the husband and wife to find and correct each other’s faults. He has not set up the husbands to be instructors to their wives, or wives to be teachers to their husbands. A husband need not change his wife or a wife her husband. Whatever the manner of person you marry, you must expect to live with that for life. Married people should learn to know when to close their eyes. They should learn to love and not try to correct.

As Christians, we must learn to deny ourselves. To deny oneself means to accomodate oneself to others. Family life requires discipline. It means learning to be willing to lay aside your own opinion, in giving due consideration to the views of others.

~ Watchman Nee, The Joyful Heart ~ Daily Meditations

Years ago, I read Matthew Henry’s commentary on the Proverbs 31 woman, and it did so chasten and build me up… I think I shall read it again today…

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

~Proverbs 14.1

I find the following fascinating to ponder…. Yes, this does *in my mind* have something to do with the above post… promise.

Ancient Hebrew Root Word Studies

Introduction: The Hebrew language is based on a root word system. The foundation to the roots are the letters of the alephbet. Each letter in the original alephbet is a pictures which represents something that supplies meaning to the letter. When two letters are put together, a two letter “parent” root is formed where the letters supply the meaning to the root. A “child” root is formed by placing a vowel (al, hey, waw or yad) in front, between or behind the parent root. While the parent root is generic in meaning, the child root is more specific in meaning.

From these roots are formed words. Some words use the same letters as the roots, while others are formed by placing another letter in the word. The words are even more specific in meaning that the roots.

The following examples of Hebrew words will demonstrate the relationship between the letters and the words. When studying these words, it is essential to remember not to interpret the words from our “Western”, Greco-Roman cultural minds, but rather develop an understanding of the “Hebraic” meaning of the words. This will allow the student of the Bible a greater understanding of Biblical words which will assist in better Biblical interpretation.

Each page will begin by looking at the individual letters to the word. Then the combination of the letters which form a word will be examined. (Hebrew is written from right to left). Some of the pages will include related words showing the relationship between the various words derived from the same root.

And so, this idea is reflected in the ancient Hebrew word for “Mother”, as seen below;

Ancient Hebrew Root Word Study (excerpted from ancienthebrew.org)

Mother
Picture: The head of a bull

Culture: A nomad had within his herds and flocks, many types of livestock, sheep, goats, camels, donkeys and cattle. Of all these animals, the bull is the strongest and most powerful. To harness this strength, a yoke would be attached to the bull and a load such as a wagon or plow would be attached to the yoke.

Meaning: A strong and powerful one

Pronunciation: “A” (as in “father”)
***************
Picture: Ripples of Water

Culture: Water was a very essential to the nomads life for himself, family, livestock and crops.

Meaning: Water

Pronunciation: “M”
***************
Picture: Strong – Water

Culture: Glue was made by placing the hides of animals in a pot of boiling water. As the hide boiled, a thick sticky substance formed at the surface of the water. This substance was removed and used as a binding agent.

Meaning: One who binds the family together.

Pronunciation: “AM”

Ancient Hebrew Root Word Study
Father (click to see)

Picture: The head of a bull

Culture: A nomad had within his herds and flocks, many types of livestock, sheep, goats, camels, donkeys and cattle. Of all these animals, the bull is the strongest and most powerful. To harness this strength, a yoke would be attached to the bull and a load such as a wagon or plow would be attached to the yoke.

Meaning: A strong and powerful one

Pronunciation: “A” (as in “father”)
*************
Picture: Floor plan of the tent

Culture: This may be a representation of the tent itself, or what is inside the tent (the household) such as the family, servants, possessions, the tent itself and even the livestock. This definition can also be extended to a house or a temple.

Meaning: The tent and what is inside it

Pronunciation: “B” When at the beginning of a syllable. “Bh” (“v”), when at the end of a syllable.
****************
Picture: Strong – Tent

Culture: The ancient Hebrews understood the “Father” to be the strength of the family, the priest and king.Just as the Ox leads the plow or wagon by his strength, the father’s strength leads the family.

Meaning: Strong one of the tent/family

Pronunciation: “ABh”

Heavenly Father, I am keenly reminded of the great responsibility that I have to build up my husband, who is the very strength of our family… and yet what a mystery it is how interwoven my own role is with his. How detrimental and determinate are my own actions and words in strengthening, or weakening this man. What an awesomely privileged and pivotal position I do have in your plan of working in him, and in turn, our life together as a family. Help me to build my home, our home… rather than to tear it/him down… May his home be his castle… Lord, make me his home… help me to be a true help mate to him, my Prince… Teach me to love well.

Intimate Issues: The Making of a Marriage Bed by Ann Voskamp of Holy Experience

The Marriage Bed LOVE. love. LOVE. this. poem.

Ephesians 5

More Ancient Hebrew Root Word Studies

Artwork: Ivan Bilibin‘s illustration of the Russian fairy tale about Vasilisa the Beautiful.

Knight and Maiden from allposters.com