the brew*crew adventure

The evening before yesterday I was so sad to hear of the news that a precious homeschool family had lost their three year old little boy in a tragic accident. And so I went to bed praying for this mother, unable to fathom how her heart must be breaking... yet compelled to imagine what it must feel like, what her reality was even then- heart-wrenching and mind-numbing. The next morning I was stunned to learn that the mother I'd been praying for was none other than Marsha Drew, a fellow blogging friend that I used to keep up and share with very regularly. She has been on my mind and in my prayers continually these last few days, and how I've wanted to do something, to somehow just reach out and touch her across the miles, offer my sincerest love and support.

You may go and read a tribute to little Christian "Dozer", A Sweet Little Man of God! here, at Heart Of The Matter.

In heaven with our Lord...

You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you. ~ Nememiah 9:6

Emily of The Learning Never Stops has had a blessedly inspired idea, one which will allow me (and you) to join with Marsha in the most meaningful and healing way, at the feet of our Lord, in worship. See- Emily's bought an iPod, which she's filling with songs for Marsha. I'm thankful to share with her in this opportunity for us to bless Marsha, and thereby the rest of her family as well. I will continue in praying for Marsha, grieving for her loss... and I hope that you will as well. Chris and I are both so grieved for the Drew family. I hope that these songs we're all sending to her will somehow help her to lift her whole heart, aches, questions, et al to HIM in total surrender, as she listens and finds her heart's renewal through worship. What an honor it is to bless her in this way.

If you feel so led, won't you go over to Emily's and leave her your own prayerful suggestions for a song or two to go on Marsha's iPod.

T suggested "In Christ Alone" as sung by the Newsboys, so that's her offering. It's perfect. I'd just read this morning's devotional from Elisabeth Elliot, and I couldn't help but to think of Marsha and her family, and their recent loss of little Dozer:

Paul was a man who suffered the loss of everything, according to his own claim. Yet any loss he counted pure gain. The key to this transforming of earthly losses into heavenly gains is love. What do we love? If our hearts are set on people and possessions and position, the loss of those will indeed be irreparable. To the man or woman whose heart is set on Christ no loss on earth can be irreparable.

It may shock us for the moment. We may feel hurt, outraged, desolate, helpless. That is our humanity. But the Lord can show us the "long view," the incalculable gain in spiritual and eternal terms, if we love Him above all. Everything that belongs to us belongs also to Him. Everything that belongs to Him belongs also to us. What, then, can we finally lose? If we lose not Christ Himself, we have finally lost nothing, for He is our treasure and He has our hearts.

One of my all-time favorite worship albums is Rita Springer's "Created to Worship", but if I had to pick one song two songs of hers, for Marsha right now, they'd be "It's Gonna Be Worth It All" and  "Freedom Reigns".

"Never Alone" by Barlow Girl also speaks so powerfully of faith:

I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.
I needed You today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
you said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?Chorus
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.

And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Chorus
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

We cannot separate
You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Chorus
I cried out with no reply
and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

...and a few from another one of my fave worship bands, WaterDeep, from their Worship Circle albums: "Big Enough to Hold Me":

...I know You, You, You are big enough to hold me
I know You Lord, yeah You
Will carry me through
How great, how high
How deep, how wide
Is Your love
The space in my mind is too small for You
The space in my heart is too small for You too
And all of things of the earth that i know
Are too small for all of the greatness You've shown
But in all of this i'm still facing my needs
And i'm scared of how big they feel to me
Nothing can separate from the love of Christ
All my doubts, He sees past and things to come

along with "I Will Not Forget You~ Ps.50" (which Third Day also did, but Waterdeep wrote it and I personally like WD's version better), "Come Fall On Us" and "Since I am So Sick":

Since I am so sick
Since I am in need
Since I have no healing within me
Oh, my God, be mindful of me
You are my help and my Redeemer
Oh, my God, be mindful of me
You are my help and my Redeemer
Unto You, oh Lord
I lift up my soul
In Your loving-kindness I believe
Surely those who wait on You
Will never be ashamed
All of those who call on You
Will know the faithfulness of Your name

Also "Why" by Michael Card:

Why did it have to be a friend who chose to betray the Lord?
and why did he use a kiss to show them, that's not what a kiss is for?
Only a friend can betray a friend, a stranger has nothing to gain.
and only a friend comes close enough to ever cause so much pain. Why did it have to be a thorny crown place upon his head?
It should have been a royal one, made of jewels and gold instead.
It had to be a crown of thorns, because in this world that we live,
all that would seek to love a thorn is all the world has to give.

Why did it have to be a heavy cross he was made to bear?
and why did they nail His feet and hands; His love would have held him there.
It was a cross for on a cross, a thief was supposed to pay.
and Jesus had come into the world to steal every heart away.

Yes, Jesus had come into the world to steal every heart away.

and "The Poem of Your Life", also by Michael Card.
Eternal Father Strong to Save, as sung by Eden's Bridge.

And perhaps "The River" by Cece Winans, which is all about entrusting our children to the purposes of Adonai, especially when it means letting them go, and not understanding our circumstances. Marsha and David are having to commit her hopes and dreams for little Dozer into the Lord's keeping in a way that I just can't imagine, entrusting his future to his Maker... fully letting go (as Moses's Mother did when she placed in that river so long ago). Though unknown, and yet veiled to us here on this side of eternity, Christian's purpose is indeed great in our Lord's awesomely eternal plan. How wonderful to know that he is in Heaven- in the very presence of our Lord, even now! What a blessed assurance, Joy in the midst of Sorrow, Peace in the midst of Suffering. Knowledge of this I know, the truth of which I pray would bring comfort to this family- daily.

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Outside My Window... It's a rainy morning. The pepper plants and marigolds that I transplanted over the weekend, from the garden boxes down by the apple tree, to a new bed here in the backyard, with a bit more shade, are looking much happier in their new home.

I am thinking... I'm trying to be more disciplined and consistent with my writing. Thus, even though it's a day late, I'm still posting my weekly daybook here, on Tuesday. I also entered my last entry, livid in the library, into a carnival, which is a first for me. Renae did such a beautiful job of hosting the 139th Carnival of Homeschooling Edition this week. I just love her Women's Independence Day theme. Be sure and check out the wonderful posts at the HS Carival if you get a chance sometime this week, or whenever.

I am thankful for... the rain, a wonderfully thoughtful Father-in-law (thank you), my iMac's being restored to us, my digital camera... pictures to capture memorable moments in time, my family to take pictures of, and God's beautiful creation too.

From the kitchen... the smell of toasted cinnamon and raisin ww bagels, mingled with freshly brewed coffee. Um, needs cleaning in a big way.

I am wearing... my hair in a ponytail (been wondering if I should get it cut), black sweat pants, forest green "Great Smoky Mountains" t-shirt that I'd actually bought at a thrift shop in Biloxi, MS.

I am creating... a clean house today, and a yummy meal for my beloved to come home to.

I am going... to pick up some groceries later, may even wait until tomorrow, and to a friend's house tomorrow.

I am reading... the myriad of wonderful posts from the 139th Carnival of Homeschooling as well as those from the Charlotte Mason Carnival's Back to School Planning Bash. Also been reading from an over-sized, hard-back copy of ~ FRANKLIN, BENJAMIN. Poor Richard: The Almanacks for the Years 1733-1758. By Richard Saunders. Wherein are retain’d... the Author’s Prefaces, Proverbs, Verses, & entertaining Remarks... Introduction by Van Wyck Brooks... Illustrations by Norman Rockwell.~ with the kids. Would you believe that I picked up this beautiful old 1965 copy from our library's discard shelf for a mere $1.50 a couple of summers ago, in great condition? I'm seeing it selling online for upwards of $100! I guess they're getting rid of all the gems, making room for newer books. *sighs* We've also been reading to each other from other library books on the Revolutionary War time period, some bios of Henry, Washington and Franklin... fascinating stuff.

I am hoping...

I am hearing... kids busily working on cleaning their rooms. This morning, over breakfast, N announced that he'd "given himself an assignment for the day, to clean his room". I laughed and told him that's good, because we're on the same page then, since I'd determined that I need to get the house clean today.

Around the house... the floor is strewn with stuff baby S has pulled out of every room and dropped at whim, clean laundry on the couch waiting to be folded, folded laundry waiting to be put away, big, black wads of Samson's hair all over the floor (even though we've been brushing him often, his 100# self still keeps shedding... and we have to vaccuum EVERY SINGLE DAY...aaagh!)

One of my favorite things... rainy days.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:

• Putting together plans for our Fine Art Mondays with a friend. She's teaching Latin to our kids for an hour or so, and then I'm teaching them Art, along with Art appreciation as scheduled on AO, for an hour or so. Therfore, today, I need to get my creative/artistic thoughts and books together to look over and pull from.
• I'd also like to replant the rest of the marigolds up closer to the house, and get the front garden bed weeded.
• Need to set up my bloglines account, which I just started a couple of days ago... plan to start keeping up with my favorite online reads a bit more methodically via subscribing to their RSS feeds. I hear it's easier, and quicker. I'm so behind the times...
• I'm brainstorming ideas with T for our monthly "girl-time" get together with friends, which T and I are hosting at our house next month.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...

Sisters...

Hosted by Peggy @ The Simple Woman

Weekly Daybook, Simple Woman, journaling, Carnivals

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**Added disclaimer: Please note that this post contains material that is inappropriate for children to read. Other than this one post, my blog is entirely family friendly.**

I just returned home from our local library, where I'd taken the kids this afternoon, to pick up some history tales and biographies. It was a disturbing visit this time, a first for me at this library... I've come to expect that we'll (obviously) sometimes be faced with plenty of contrary opinions in such a public arena of published thoughts, and the ensuing questions that then result from our visits have usually been fodder for great discussions and learning opportunities. It just goes with the territory, right? Fine. and. Dandy. I'm just glad that I didn't have to discuss this one with the kids, though I did with the librarians... but I'm getting ahead of myself.

So, after I'd stacked baby S's stroller high with the books on my list, I wandered down past the "Junior Biographies" section, heading over towards where my twelve year old son N was, near the children's computers. I was just passing my nine year old daughter, T as she was searching for a book "about Arabian horses", when, as I strolled along, contentedly enjoying the warm*fuzzy learning vibe the library always brings us, I happened to glance over at the shelf next to me, a bit below my own eye-level, and thereupon: did a double-take. Huh?! What's that book laying there sideways, where someone else (a child?) has presumably hastily discarded it (in embarrassment, perhaps) SAY?

It glared back at me unapologeticaly, with bold red letters, reading "Boys and S*x". Huh? That's a bit pointedly blunt, even for a secular book about s*x education for young (ages 9-12, according to Amazon) kids, isn't it? It almost sounds like a game, doesn't it? Well... this book certainly attempts to be the instructional manual, apparently treating it as such. I almost put it back in line with the other books, to at least hide the double-daring title, there being very young children around and all. But then, thick as it was... I wondered, just how much is there to be said on this topic anyways... and to children at that?! And so I hesitantly picked it up and, looking around to make sure that my kids wouldn't see me blushing, nor the offending title, opened it randomly to just past the middle of the book... curious, and upon seeing who the author was, even filled with an expectant dread.

I am not queasy, nor naive, when it comes to talking about purity, and the opposite s*x issues with our kids... Well, maybe I was a bit woozy at the thought at first, before we broke the ice... Come to think of it, there's a funny story there I have yet to blog about. But I digress, will have to share that in another post. Anyways, our 12 yo son has had "THE talk", and we're pretty casual in conversing about the birds and the bees (as well as the enemy's distortions, debasements and attempted marring of our God-given s*xuality) as necessary and questions are asked around here, though always respectful. Our 9yo daughter knows as much as she's interested and ready for as of yet. S*x is good, it's a beautiful thing within the Biblical parameters of a loving marriage, life-giving~ literally, as our Creator meant it to be. So, let the record show: I'm not afraid when it comes to parents teaching their children about these matters.

Even so, I was not prepared for what I read, regardless of the fact that I'd knowingly made note of the fact that the author is none other than the co-author of The Kinsey Report... Kinsey having been a *ahem* shall we say- disturbed, degenerate, pedophile/pseudo-scientist, credited with normalizing the s*xual revolutuion, and legitimizing h*mos*xuality. Yeah, well, apparently, this book I held in my hand, that my son had just walked right by moments before me, is a children's version of another book Pomeroy had co-authored with Kinsey himself. Um, yeah...

Where was I? Oh yeah, what I read... but I can't tell you all of it anyways, since this is a fairly family-friendly blog, and I was tainted all day having read it, especially considering its intended audience. Grieved in my spirit... Let it suffice to say that it was quite descriptive, giving detailed directions (more graphic than even a diagram could have been) as to how a "teenaged boy" can m*st*rb*te to find pleasure after "he has been left unfulfilled by his partner"...or if willing, how his partner can give him fulfillment (after explaining that this meant to have *rg**m) by doing it for him?!

At this point, I was standing there in disbelief, trying to pick my jaw up off the floor. I was just plain stupified, but not so much that it was there - in print, written to children (as sad and twisted as that is, it's a sign of the times, I'd given mental assent to that already, one does tend to get desensitized) but more that it was right there, in our library, mere feet away from my children who were innocently perusing the very shelf I'd snatched it from. And I couldn't believe what I was reading, p*rnographic smut, right there in my kids' section of the library. Did I say that already, "the children's section"? Had my son curiously opened it up and read the little snippit I'd just read, his conscience would have surely been violated. That quick.

I was livid. In that moment today, the realization - that the battle for our children's hearts is being fought every day - was crystallized for me in seeing how close to home this strike was aimed. As I stood there, holding one of the enemy's weapons of choice in my own hands, I was reminded-once again- that in this world, there is no escaping the darkness that pervades the age, it's everywhere. The destroyer, the enemy of our children's souls is alive and well, and his handiwork is peddled as educational- even at our own little town's library... I had let my guard down... Upon second thought, no, I hadn't let my guard down, I was very watchfully aware. I just wasn't sitting on top of my kids, requiring that they let me first examine everything they laid their eyes upon, trusting God to catch my slack. At some point, we have to let our older children move into more freedom. Don't we? Of course we do. I cannot hold my 12 year old son's hand in the junior section of our library. *smirk* No, but the Lord can, and does.

Just so happens, I have a case in point that I was reminded of later. On the way to the library, N had popped in a cd that we haven't listened to in quite awhile, the "Prince of Egypt~ Inspirational", and one of the songs on it, The River, by CeCe Winans, always pulls on my heart strings (actually it gives me chills), but especially so today. And so, there I was - as we were driving to the library- prayerfully singing along with fervor, asking for God to watch over my son as he's growing up into a young man. Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidences. You may listen to it here.

The river flows from the depths of my soul
Save your son from harm and danger
It's killing me, still I've gotta let him go
Trust in You cause You're not a stranger
You are a spark, Misses joy
Now save my innocent boy
I'll leave forever in your cradle
I'm talking to ya river
I know you're able to deliver
Won't you take him with ya river
Take care of him
That's my heart, my heart
Familiar friend it's your hand that he's in
Carry him with blessed assurance
Don't let him go til you know that he's safe
I pray to God the Father for amazing grace
I gave you all that I've got now save him
Now save him from Pharaoh's plot
Of killin' each child that's born a man
I'm talking to ya river
You're able to deliver
Won't you take him with you river
Take care of him; that's my heart, he's my heart
Now that I put him in the water
I pray for you to do what you've got to do
With my son, yeah
Let him go, let him go...

I'm talking to you

I'm talking to ya river
I know you're able to deliver
Won't you take him with you river
Take care of him
Take care of him, my baby
I'm talking to ya river
I know you're able to deliver
Won't you take him with you river
How could I let my little boy go
Let him go , let him go
My baby boy...

That is my heart's cry as I homeschool my kids... that He would deliver them to His Promised Land... realizing that I cannot. He IS ABLE to deliver. Praying that His Holy Spirit, that river that's carrying them where I know not, that I must release them to, would bear them- these little ones- to somewhere that they can and will be free! It is my prayer that He would guide me as I shepherd them, and ultimately that they will look to Him to shepherd them one day, and that they would follow Him, Salvation, who came to deliver us all, to the Promised Land. I have no doubt that today, as we unsuspectingly walked into the library, our Lord was shepherding my children, even when I could not... guarding their eyes, and thus their hearts... that it was I who picked up that book, and not them. I only pray that the librarians, whom I brought the book to and adamantly shared my concerns with, as I politely pointed out to them the one inappropriate, disturbing page I'd read, along with a bit about the Kinserly report and author, also feel the fervor to do something about it, like permanently pulling it from the shelves. They were surprised, and quite apologetic that it was there.

Over the years, I've grown more lenient with my kids at the library (though not without prayer and trepidation, well aware of the fact that there's a lot of falsehoods and alluring twaddle in print), letting them wander the aisles (of the junior/kids section of the library), perusing through the rows of books at will... I've surmised that my readers (now 12.5 and 9.5 years old) are pretty well grounded in their faith and strong in their beliefs. We discuss all sorts of topics and I usually welcome opportunities to share with my kids how our Christian worldview applies to opposing opinions and belief systems. I have also been delighted to hear their own thoughtful observations as they critically evaluate what they hear and read. Thus, I have absolutely no problem with them reading about other religions, evolution, mythology, liberal politics, etc. within limits appropriate to their understanding and spiritual maturity levels... However, today, as I was given a strong dose of reminding as to why we homeschool, and what much of our world considers acceptable and normal for a 9-12 year old audience, I was also reminded to stay ever-prayerfully-vigilant... even at the library. I would like to urge you all to do the same, as you venture forth with your charges into the halls of learning this year.

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

I would like to end this post by recommending to you of a couple our favorite purity books: The Princess and the Kiss for girls and The Squire and the Scroll for boys, both of which I blogged about here. They're both good for boys and girls though- our daughter loves the latter and our son enjoyed the Princess book for years before we got the Squire book. We've also enjoyed the Life Lessons devotionals that have since been published to go along with each of these beautiful books.

Technorati Tags: Kinsey, purity, The Princess and the Kiss, The Squire and the Scroll, Homeschooling Carnival

Outside My Window... A sunny morning has turned into a breezy, somewhat cloudy afternoon. Clothes drying on the line, and a new swing set that our neighbor gave us over the weekend. Their grand kids have outgrown it, and we thought that it would be wonderful to have here for baby S, who LOVES the slides and swings at the park. It's turned out that N and T are having as much fun on it as baby S is... well, almost as much.

I am thinking... Has it already been a whole week since I did my first daybook post? Wow! Yikes... and I'd really like to finish reorganizing my books closet today.

I am thankful for...

• *The joy that resides in my 9yo daughter's heart, evidenced by how she often hums to herself as she writes, or draws, as she's doing now, while working on her "Horse Study Notebook" at the table beside me.
• *That our sweet 1yo (on Thursday!!) baby girl has finally gotten into a nice routine of taking afternoon naps, for about an hour, every day.
• *For a weekend of bounty, that started with Chris calling me while we were at the park on Friday, "to tell me the good news", that Apple is paying to fix our iMac (the logic board needs replacing)!! Wooohooo! It continued with all of our great frugal finds this weekend: from the perfect set of old, white glass salt, pepper & sugar shakers at our fave antique store we meandered around on Saturday, to the "ba-by" that baby S found there for $1, to the new Raggedy Ann doll T found for Aunt Alicia, to the "collectible Blue Ribbon Ranch Breyer horse!" that T also found for $1, to the new (to us) *free* swing set our neighbors were giving away (just in time for S's b-day!) that Chris spotted the sign for as we drove home from church on Sat. night, to the mig-welder that Chris found for sale on Craigs List for a mere $20?!
• *That N is actually interested in learning how our government works, and so is somewhat enjoying this Government 101 course we started a couple of weeks ago, which he'll be finishing up just in time for his "Presidents & Politics" co-op class to start in Sept. He said that he's excited to be able to better understand what he's talking about when discussing politics, (um, yeah, he and a buddy do actually rangle over politics, got pretty into it with the whole Paul vs. Huckabee controversy, heh.) and for this co-op class.
• *Did I mention that Apple is paying to fix our iMac?! I'll have my Mac back! And be able to upload pictures again... wheee!
• *For a husband with such determined initiative, who actually called Apple for himself, even after the computer techie guy who's working on our Mac said that ours, being a 2nd Generation, wouldn't qualify for some kind of recall thing because of faulty logic boards... but apparently he was mistaken. We bought ours within a window of a few months that made it qualify. It had even occured to me that morning that he probably would get results when he did call, even though I'd initially thought it pointless and his fervor in insisting that we do so misplaced! Figures, he was right again. ;P I've learned from Chris to take the time to go out of my way to call and ask, and check on things, even when I doubt the validity or point in doing so...  There's a whole lot of mundane, every day truth to that lofty saying of old, "you have not because you ask not"... it's true. That one call saved us over $400.
• *That we have this old lap-top to load N and T's math programs onto, since their old pc died this weekend... it won't even re-boot. Aren't computers fun?
• *That the lady who gave T the violin to use for lessons found that she also had a brand new violin case, AND a bow to go with the violin, both of which she'd forgotten about, but found and brought over last week. Saved us $120- the price of a new case and bow! (Wow, so actually the blessings of bountiful savings started even earlier in the week!) *Ahem* AND
• *That same friend also found another violin, and bow with case that she was happily willing to lend to a friend of ours who was also prayerfully wishing for them! How cool and wonderful is that?!
• *Baby S in all her cuteness... the pitter-patter of her little feet as she's run, run, running for a door open to "outside", all of these sweet kisses that my baby girl has been giving us lately, on my leg while I'll be cooking dinner, on my face, or belly upon awakening... how she starts pumping her little legs and throwing her hands up in the air to dance at the sound of music, how she holds her "ba-by" so close as she whispers the word "ba-by" and loves it, how she'll bring me books, and backs up into my lap, knowing that I'll stop just about anything and read to her, how she celebrates when she hears us say "bath", or says "nigh-nigh" to everyone before bed... etc. Thank YOU Lord for this baby that I prayed so long, and waited so wistfully for...

From the kitchen... N doing the dishes, his turn... he and T squabbling over stupid stuff, just called her out, reminded her she's supposed to be reading.

I am wearing... jean capris (with spilled yogurt stain on them) with a teal & pink X-alt t-shirt and my fave, comfiest American Eagle turquoise flip-flops.

I am creating... a clean books closet and mopped floor, etc. Cleaning the house REAL good and thorough, so that when my Mac is back I can play with it to my heart's content for a week or so... blog some pics galore. I'm creating some posts in my head, of course. Still working on our homeschool plans and schedules for the year too.

I am going... to take N to his guitar lesson and pick up T's violin book from Music Doctors while there... um, we got all loaded up into the truck when I realized that I'd left my keys in the car, which Chris took to work this morning. Aaaargh, and we still haven't gotten that spare made yet?! We have a spare car key, and house key, but not a spare truck key. How is that?!

I am reading... The Book of the Dun Cow by Wangerin aloud to N and T. They're absolutely loving this tale, which so wonderfully personifies the farmyard animals, as the keepers of Wyrm, and is a favorite of mine from childhood. Next we'll read its sequel, The Book of Sorrows. I think that our having chickens (who are the heroes in the story, along with Mundo Cani dog) makes it doubly fun. I'm also reading The Pilgrim's Progress Devotional by Ford, along with my daily Bible readins, and The Pilgrim's Progress aloud to N and T.

I am hoping... to get all of the laundry on the floor and in the baskets in my room put away, and keep my bedroom floor clean, completely, for a long time. Is that even possible?

I am hearing... T telling me of her recollections of reading Chanticleer and the Fox, as she's run and pulled it off the shelf when I just mentioned that The Book of the Dun Cow is based upon that story... all when she's supposed to be reading her chapters from King of the Wind for today!

Around the house... baby S has strewn a giant deck of "Hearts" cards on the floor (among other things). All of the curtains are pulled back to let in the sunlight, kids are done with their studies for today, now watching Little House on the Prairie. Samson is lounging on the floor at their feet. I've got some piles of books on the counters and tables that I've pulled out of the book closet I'm reorganizing... it always looks worse before it gets better, right?

One of my favorite things... my coffee/teeccino brew with lots of cream.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:

1. Huh. Whadayaknow?! That would be the same list as last weeks... *sighs* How about cross some of these out, as done! Hey, at least we are getting our studies done, healthy meals made, and a few other things even!
2. Weed  garden, maybe plant a few late crops?
3. Rearrange my bedroom, replace baby S's co-sleeper (which is beside our bed) with her crib, with one side off (it's one of those convertible types) so that it will be more supportive and comfy for her, more long term since it's obvious she'll be sleeping in our bed for awhile yet.
4. T is so excited because this means that it (the crib) is coming out of her room and she'll now have room for a desk in there, which means rearranging her room too.
5. Post some books and curriculum for sale to local homeschool list.
6. Finish re-organizing big book/curriculum closet.
7. Continue with N and T's lessons, which we started last week. We're gradually getting into our studies, hoping to be in full routines by September.
8. Post about that, our plans for this school year.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

See all those blooms?

Well, they're apples now, beautiful and and quickly ripening. Soon it will be time for all of the fresh, organic apple juice we can drink, and apple crisp, apple pies, apple sauce, etc...

Hosted by Peggy @ The Simple Woman

Hosted by Peggy @ The Simple Woman

Outside My Window... it's dark and quiet now, late Monday evening.. Stars are out, and a bright half moon. We saw lightning bugs twinkling and bats flitting over the fields at dusk.
I am thinking... I am glad to have found this "Simple Woman" meme over at Heather's and Jacque's blogs today (two blogs I've also recently discovered this week...) I look forward to doing it on Mondays (maybe even regular-like)!
I am thankful for...

• *A husband that's worked hard all day in the hot sun, only to come home and work some more to finish a pen for two thankless goats, and is now tucking our 9 and 12 year olds in with Bible devotions, prayers and whispery snuggles...
• *A 12 yo boy who runs to get his baby sister out of bed as soon as he hears her waking cries, and gleefully hugs her tight as he exclaims to me, "I just LOVE my sister!"
• *Two new goats some friends needed to get rid of and gave us, that the kids have been doting over for the past two days.
• *The smell of sunshine in our clothes from drying them outside on the clothesline, which almost makes up for the card-board hard stiffness of the line-dried towels, heh!* and knowing that the Lord will provide $ for a new used dryer, or a dryer, before it gets too cold to dry our clothes on the line!
• *Friends that gave our daughter a beautiful violin to use for her upcoming violin lessons*which she's waited years to have* which our local co-op is offering at such an affordable price! Halleluah!
• *This old lap-top that's keeping us connected, even though our iMac is dead in the water.
• *Friends that call to spontaneously invite us over for a yummy dinner, and enjoy playing our favorite board game, with brownies and good, cheap burgundy wine, while our littles have a blast blowing things up and playing- loudly!
• *Learning to knit and a weekly knitting circle with friends who love chocolate and coffee- we had 16 kids last count- and N can get his weekly X-box fix too = big fun for all!
• *Shiny, new planner for our upcoming school year!
• *New apple green pocket calendar (to replace my used up one) that I write EVERY thing in, and
• *A daughter who loves new pencils, pens, books, planners and paper as much as I do.
• *The BEST Mother in Law in the WORLD! who's busily planning a wonderfully fun-filled long weekend vacation for us all in October!

From the kitchen... *peaceful sighs* It's all clean and ready to serve for a new day. Blender's ready to go for morning smoothies, coffee pot's ready for my mid-mornin' brew, and mixer's ready for makin' bread tomorrow.
I am wearing... black sweat pants and a green and white X-Alt t-shirt.
I am creating... book lists, to-do lists in calendar, schedules, plans to rearrange my bedroom, and T's, knitted scarf for N and a few posts and art projects in my head.
I am going... to bed soon, after I knit a bit.
I am reading... What the Bible is All About by Mears, The Laurel's Kitchen Bread Book and the Book of Lamentations.
I am hoping... to wake up get up early tomorrow.
I am hearing... Chris just came out from the kids' room and is rummaging up a snack in the kitchen, headed for the living room, where I'm gonna join him (going to knit myself while he watches the boob tube).
Around the house... sleep and cozyness, humming of box fans in each bedroom and mumbling of the tv in next room... and the *crunching* of chips.
One of my favorite things... evenings alone with my Chris, chatting about our day, catching up with eachother, knowing our chillins are sleeping safely in the next rooms over, just loving our life together, living with my best friend.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:

1. Weed  garden, maybe plant a few late crops?
2. Rearrange my bedroom, replace baby S's co-sleeper (which is beside our bed) with her crib, with one side off (it's one of those convertible types) so that it will be more supportive and comfy for her, more long term since it's obvious she'll be sleeping in our bed for awhile yet.
3. T is so excited because this means that it (the crib) is coming out of her room and she'll now have room for a desk in there, which means rearranging her room too.
4. Post some books and curriculum for sale to local homeschool list.
5. Finish re-organizing big book/curriculum closet.
6. Continue with N and T's lessons, which we started last week. We're gradually getting into our studies, hoping to be in full routines by September.
7. Post about that, our plans for this school year.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Seems like yesterday she was brand new...

I can hardly believe that she'll be a year old in less than two weeks!

Yesterday was Tisha B'Av, which simply means the 9th day of the month of Av on the Hebrew calendar. Historically this is a very significant date which now commemmorates the destruction of the Temples of God's people (both of which were destroyed on this exact day), and a time for grieving and fasting, symbolically grieving over the distance between ourselves and God... thus it's also a time to meditate upon our own spiritual journeys, a time to ask God to direct us and show us the condition of our own heart and inner temple. To read more about this whole idea of a temple, you may read a wonderful article here, Does God Need a Temple?, which I just read this morning.

Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If any one destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and that temple you are.

~ 1 Corinthians 3:16-17

It actually all began way back when the ten of the twelve spies didn't believe God for the victory that He had already promised to them (see Numbers 13 & 14). You may click here to read more about "The Sin of the Spies" , an excerpt of which follows:

The Israelite community accepts the report, and gives up their dream of going into Israel. The consequence? If you don't want to enter the land, says God, then you won't enter the land. All Israelites will die out over the next 40 years in the desert, and only their children will enter the land.

Numbers 14:1 tells us the people's reaction to this news: "The people wept that night." That night was Tisha B'Av, the ninth day of the Jewish month of Av. God declared: "They cried for no reason; in the future I'll give them good reason to cry."

Hundreds of years later, the destruction of the First Temple was to occur on Tisha B'Av. And 500 years after that, the Second Temple was destroyed on Tisha B'Av as well.

Upon hearing the negative report about Israel, the people sat down to cry. The land had been promised, but their fears prevented them from going forward. At which point God responds: "Today you cried for nothing; in the future I'll give you a real reason to cry."

Talmud - Ta'anit 29a

I am reminded of my own unbelief... how many times have I not taken God at His Word, simply because of worldy, carnal circumstances. Because of fear... how much ground have I lost?

 7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

~ 2 Timothy 1

Upon realization of the state of my own temple, how my spirit does cry out to my Lord, Who is full of such grace and mercy!

23 Jesus said to him, If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believes. 24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help you my unbelief.

~ Mark 9

I wrote a brief post about Tisha B'Av here a couple of years ago.

If I forget you Jerusalem
May I forget my right hand
May my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth
If I ever don't think of you
If I don't raise up Jerusalem above my highest joy

 

~ Psalms 137:5,6

This weekend I've been reading from the book of Jeremiah, along with some of its contextual setting (a more concise summary of which I found in Mear's What the Bible is All About), and also yesterday and today- the book of Lamentations (which is traditionally read on the 9th of Av).

21 This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.

22 It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

23 They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness.

24 The LORD is my portion, said my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

25 The LORD is good to them that wait for him, to the soul that seeks him.

26 It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.

Av means "Father" in Hebrew... so it's the "month of Father", interesting... it is a time to consider our relationship with our Heavenly Father, and maybe even our earthly Fathers, deal with our past hurts, grievances, etc... This morning I listened to a fascinating broadcast by Dr. Michael Kavanabout here, where he shares some of the symbolisms found in Tish B'Av, along with his own spiritual reflections during this time.He discusses a bit of the process of getting back in touch with one's inner temple, explaining how grieving opens the heart, and then forgiveness opens the heart even wider. "Before we can forgive and come up into life (as seen later during Yom Kippur), we must go down into the darkness of the grave." Hmmm... that's a familiar concept there... reminds me of what our Messiah Yeshua did.

25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: 26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?

~ John 11

Through this process of greaving, and true repentance of sins, the way is made for a resurrection... the coming of the Messiah and great healing within us. How is the temple inside your heart? How is your ability to love?

I found a great post with further thoughts on Tisha B'Av here at Messianic Moments:

Tisha B'Av ... From Sorrow to Hope

and another here at Religion Transcends:

Celebrate Tisha B'Av!

Technorati Tags: 9th of Av, Tisha B'Av, Temple of God, Biblical Holidays, mourning, fasting

Our 9 year old daughter, T, has been wanting me to "do a real horse-study" with her for months now, and finally, we have begun. Yes, today, on Friday, at the end of the week we've officially started our study. *smiles* She is so ready and was literally begging to start this afternoon, rather than waiting until next week . Our study guide, Beautiful Feet's History of the Horse: A Literature Approach to Equine History arrived in the mail yesterday. I've admired it for years, knowing that eventually we'd get it and dive in together.

T was/is ecstatic and has been perusing it since it got here, savoring it... has all of the other books for the study all stacked up neatly in a pile, awaiting their turn to be called upon for use/reading in the study.  After having her already waiting for practically a year to start, I didn't want her to have to wait any longer... especially now that with this guide, she really needs minimal direction from me anyhow. So, why not? I said and today we did the first lesson together.

With T being the horse lover that she is, I found that we already owned most of the books recommended for the study, and I was then able to acquire the few that we didn't already have from Paperback Swap. So, I've only had to actually buy the guide itself. We were doubly blessed that copies of the books we did receive from pbs were in like-new condition.

Today we read about Arabians from her Encyclopedia of Horses and she started her notebook, an aspect of the study that she's relishing, and I'm so glad that this guide provides direction for. For her first notebook page she found and then drew a diagram of the horse from the front of her encyclopedia, and then labeled the parts of the horse (most of which she already had memorized). Next she read about Arabians from her Album of Horses (an absolutely beautifully illustrated book), gave a narration as to why Arabians make such good desert horses and then drew a side view of a horse rearing, from her Draw 50 Horses book. Underneath the picture she wrote the quote, "And God took a handful of southerly wind, blew His breath over it and created the horse." which is from a Bedouin legend, the entirety of which she read to me from her horse encyclopedia. And all that was just lesson 1. She asked me if she could work on it over the weekend, and wants to do lesson 2 tomorrow... Why did I wait so long to get this for her?

For lesson 2, she'll begin reading King of the Wind by Marguerite Henry (first two chapters) and will then also begin a glossary of terms in the back of her notebook by defining bloodlines, stud and mare, and she'll study a pedigree/bloodline graph. We'll discuss a bit of how breeding works as well as how bloodlines are traced, along with some more vocabulary. There are some discussion questions listed as well regarding her reading of King of the Wind. She'll then draw a map of Morocco, marking the Atlas Mountains and the Strait of Gibraltar. In the next, third lesson, she's to read two more chapters from King of the Wind, discuss some questions regarding her reading (narration prompts), will color the map of Morocco and paste it into her notebook, and will also begin the Bible memory verses section of her notebook (copy and memory work), the first entry of which is described as being "just how the Arabian reacts when it hears the trumpet sounding war.";

“Have you given the horse strength?
Have you clothed his neck with thunder?

Can you frighten him like a locust?
His majestic snorting strikes terror.

 He paws in the valley, and rejoices in his strength;
He gallops into the clash of arms.

He mocks at fear, and is not frightened;
Nor does he turn back from the sword.

The quiver rattles against him,
The glittering spear and javelin.

He devours the distance with fierceness and rage;
Nor does he come to a halt because the trumpet has sounded.

At the blast of the trumpet he says, ‘Aha!’
He smells the battle from afar,
The thunder of captains and shouting.

~Job  39.19-25

I know that this is going to be a wonderful study for T, as it seems already to have been custom made for her. So far I really appreciate how it's so clearly organized and the lessons seem to be just the right amount of work for her to enjoy, yet be a bit challenged by. Also, she'll finally have guided opportunity to get the most enjoyment from all of these lovely horse books she's been collecting over the years, only a couple of which she's read. Today, she excitedly exclaimed to me, between reading pages of her Horse Encyclopedia aloud, "I'm really getting into this! This is the first time that I read all of the words on the pages of this book. Before I just looked at all the pictures!" It's been admired and "looked at" for years by her, how fun (and probably perfect timing actually) to now delve deeper into it with her. How my heart leaped to see the sparkle in her eyes and hear the anticipation in her voice. I think that the notebook will turn out to be a beautiful keepsake too. She's already excitedly mentioned her using the guide "to someday teach baby S about horses when she's bigger".

Here's a listing of the other books that she'll be using in her horse study this year.

Technorati Tags: horses, literature, curriculum, horse study, beautiful feet guides, literature guide, equine history

It's 5:20 AM!, and I've been awake for well over an hour now. I laid in bed for almost 40 minutes, trying to go back to sleep, but to no avail. My mind was whirling with thoughts, composing them, unwinding words from skeins of memory and perception, hoping that I would even be able to find them to explore and ravel later, these prose lacking cohesive meaning. I deliberated over whether or not to risk waking baby S, whether to get up and write them out, lest they disappear with my consciousness if I sleep- elusive and so easily lost they are, like grasping at wind, or trying to hold onto light. I was wishing that I had one of those writer's pens with a light, but wondering would that even work, without waking S and Chris, both obliviously snoozing on either side of me... and so, as the thoughts piled and sleeping I was not, I decided to climb out of bed at this totally crazy hour and write... since the words were still piling and I was too entangled to rest.

Last night, as I was putting baby S to sleep, I remembered that I had a bag on the table where I'd left it this afternoon, with a roll of deep, forest green wool yarn in it, and smooth, wooden needles looped with the beginning rows of a scarf that I'm knitting. In the same instant I realized that I wanted to knit (just really felt like doing it- right then, curious.), but I knew that it was late, and baby S probably wasn't going to let me get up and leave from nursing her to do anything- I tried anyways. Nope, didn't work. Heh. So, I laid there, falling asleep, and wishing that I could get up and knit, because I can.

That's right, I can! My dear friend Christine, accomplished knitter and wonderful teacher that she is, showed me (again, only it was my daughter T who showed me how the first time- earlier this year) how to cast-on, and helped me to figure out what I was doing wrong before, that had been bringing me so much frustration and eventually caused me to give up entirely for the greater part of last year (thus the having forgotten even how to cast-on and having to start over from the beginning part). It would be too technical and hard (for me) to try and explain what exactly I was doing wrong, but suffice it to say, that T will also benefit from my lesson yesterday, as she was having the same problem with her own knitting, which I'd inadvertently picked up. But now, finally, I've got it, and knitting is fun!

Somehow, as I lay there in bed last night, somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, it occurred to me that knitting is a bit like writing... but I don't know if I shall be able to do the epiphany justice with my written words here, as it was a visual realization.  Case in point though.

I felt saw how the words I was formulating into strands of meaningful thoughts were like yarn I was pulling from a ball of potential, twisted threads of yet disorganized, shapeless promise, rich in texture, and brilliant in their hue. Every word that I could stitch with precision was one more link in a chain of conceptualization that would eventually be a complete thought piece. If I could only stitch one to the next, and to the next, and to the next... pulling and pushing them from the skein of memories, meanings, questions wound by daily living and nestled restlessly, yet unformed, waiting within my subconsciousness, dependent upon the crafter's hand, the writer's pen, to pluck them, to bring the thread of insight through the loop of consciousness and incoorperate it into a pattern of understanding, maybe even a humble garment of wisdom to be worn eventually, with a pattern worthy of sharing that someone else might want to learn from and follow, someday.

I found the analogy fascinating, and had to get the beginnings of it out... as I'm sure there's more there that I'm not seeing yet, amateur writer and newbie knitter that I am, both. These ruminations remind me of one of my favorite quotes concerning writing,

There are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up a pen to write.

~ William Makepeace Thackeray

And along those lines, certainly there must be a thousand pieces lying within a woman that she does not know till she takes up a needle to knit, or a brush to paint, or...

Truly, creativity is soul-food, satisfying in all its varying forms. I've always wanted to be an artist when I grow up. And maybe I am becoming one after all... as I learn what it truly means to be an artist... it is to observe with care, and then to create with intent. The longer I live, and the more I learn by doing, the more I'm realizing that art is living, and learning to see the spectacular in the commonplace, growing, nurturing, giving attentiveness to detail, and forming with purpose; be it a child's willfulness and imagination, a poem, a scarf, an orderly home, a healthy meal, or clay.

These creations are, or can should be, culminations of us, our efforts, careful offerings to the Lord as well as to those around us. The eternal power of creativity found residing within those hidden, quiet moments of communion with the Almighty , gifted to us in our likeness toward our Maker, savored and realized in humble stitches, intuitive strokes, home-made teas, gardens tended, love made, children's drawings displayed, and choice words in poetry read aloud... or encompassing silence of dreams untold.

Yes indeed, I like knitting, it's somehow like writing. Writing is like knitting... words framed and knit together in such a way that they may be seen, felt, and worn... thoughts that unless written, realized and shared, would have no warmth or life to offer, like that ball of yarn which is not yet a scarf that my boy can wear, but everything necessary to make one... if only I will give it my time, and concerted effort, one stitch at a time.

I don't know if my thoughts are lost in translation here, but I certainly feel accomplished to have risen with the morning and put them in print. Yes, I do believe that one could even go so far as to say that so much in life that's worth having, knowing and doing, is like knitting... yarn ravelled into garments, wisdom knitted from a life lived, words fitted together and mounted upon a page like gems... Counting of the days... like stitches in a tapestry woven, that we may gain a heart of wisdom, know His pattern for our lives...

So, should can I go back to sleep now, or should I knit? Or write more? hehe. Chris is getting up now, the coffee/teeccino is on... baby S is still sleeping. Looks like rain outside, with a little thunder. Mmmmmm-hm, a good day has begun. If only I didn't have to go grocery shopping, which means the dreaded walmart (uggh.). *sighs* Aaaah well, that's later, and I always like going to the salvage store too, to see what treasures I might find cheap there.

You see what happens here? I write a few posts, and then it's like I've turned on the tap or something, the thoughts keep flowing. Yes, there's much more, this is merely an aside to the swirling thoughts that whirled about in my sleepy brain last night and rudely awakened me this morning- mere asides, always seems to be the bloggable thoughts, the outer strings I guess, to follow my own analogy out. At least my journal pages are filling, even as I'm tiring of my own wordy self now. Funny how that works, the words seeming to come all at once, or not at all. At least now, when I can't write, I can knit...

*Update Today*

It is a perfectly rainy, thunderous day outside, which makes for a cozy, special time inside. T just finished making a new peanut butter/birdseed birdfeeder on a giant pinecone, we've sweet potatoes with EVO and sea salt baking in the oven, and a double batch of wholegrain wheat bread dough mixing (plenty for cinnamon rolls!). Grocery shopping has been cancelled for now. Chris got off work early, due to the rain, and has volunteered to get groceries, what a guy! Baby S is napping now, and I thought that I would be too, but I'm having too much fun knitting with T, between sipping hot tea and reading snippets of The Laurel's Kitchen Bread Book, while N strums chords on his guitar.

Technorati Tags: knitting, writing, art

Last Thursday Chris got off work early and so he came home and went to work around here (as he usually does). He's been building a new shed, which is quite impressive. I've been taking pictures, but as you regulars know, alas, cannot load them here for awhile. Just know that it's nice, concrete foundation, solid wood frame, all steel sides and roof, and one huge window... he went all out. We're using our tax refund money for this so that he can get his stuff out of our garage turned workshop, so that he can finish out the garage into two rooms and an extra bathroom... eventually.

Anyways, he was out there working, did something, slipped and his forearm came down on a corner piece of metal. He then had a nice-sized hole/puncture wound in his arm, which was just gushing pouring blood (thank You Lord that he didn't hit an artery!). I was inside with the kids, had just gotten baby S down for a nap literally minutes before (good timing) when he came rushing inside, holding his arm, with blood dripping down it. He immediately started snapping orders, "Beth, I need you... NOW! Get me some dental floss... I need a needle... "

Oh, no, I thought... *gulp* I knew where this was going. You see, about six years ago, he'd busted his knee open loading a moving truck and ended up sitting in the tub, sewing it up himself! I immediately started freaking out counseling him to let me take him downtown to the Urgent Care walk-in clinic. Why did I even fight him on it? I dunno, you'd think that I know this stubborn man well enough by now to know better. By now he had ice and a rag on his wound, and I was gathering supplies for the inevitable, even as I pleaded with him to let me take him... the gash was in his right arm, and therefore he was asking me to do the sewing this time.

Have you ever tried to sew up skin, with a regular sewing needle? Me neither, but I've seen it done... skin is tough, and stretches, and resists, it's not like cotton cloth atall.*sighs* As usual, he won. I relented right before he would have started getting really mad, when I saw that he absolutely wasn't going anywhere and would have sat there doing it by himself if I didn't help him. Yes, he would have. And so I began sterilizing our assemblage of supplies as he leaned over the kitchen sink, pouring iodine into his cut. I was thinking out loud...

Wouldn't it be good to get a tetanus shot?

He shot back, The metal is clean, brand new, don't need one.

Well, what about an antibiotic, in case of infection?

There won't be any infection if we keep it clean...

I know this... so, why am I worrying so? I thought, Must be the blood... Finally, I conceded, completely this time, sat down on the stool in front of him, and began to try and sew up my man's arm.

Well... I was shaking a bit, not out of nervousness, but because the needle just would not go through, which apparently made Chris pretty nervous though. He then had me hand the needle (threaded with waxed dental floss- just in case you were wondering- and held by pliers, to push and pull it with) over to him and he proceeded to sew up his right arm, left-handed, which must have been hard because he's right-handed! I was just relieved to not be doing it, and content to hold the cut together for him. It certainly must have been very helpful in making it easier for him... you think, maybe? I had to kinda roll the skin so that he could get the needle through more easily. Well, he said that it helped anyways. I noticed that he, too, was shaking as he sewed, which he said was from the strain of pushing that needle through (though I waited until later, when we were done to point that out).

Between gritting his teeth, and a couple of "aaarghs!" (it wasn't very numb), Chris was commenting on how we really do need to get us some real surgeon's sewing needles and assemble a good better first aid kit. I commented that if it's ever the kids or I that need sewing, it's to the doc we're going! LOL We counted down the final stitches, only one more to go!

He reminded me that once upon a time, before there was a doctor down every street, what do I think people did? And with the way things are going in this world, we may not always have such easy access to doctors... we need to learn to be more self-sufficient in the things that we can be... at least.

Yeah, okay, he's right... We'll assemble a nice, ready-for-anything first aid kit... but I sure do hope that we won't need it, and as long as he's able, he's taking me to the doctor to get any stitches that I may need, along with some local anasthetic.

All said and done though, I am impressed! By the time we were finishing up and he was in the shower, we would have just been sitting down in the waiting room of a walk-in clinic. It was red and swollen for the first day. However, now, four days later, it's healing up quite nicely, barely even red. Of course, Chris feels most triumphant in that he saved us a couple hundred bucks... What a man will do when he's got nerve, and doesn't have insurance to pay his bills, huh? What a tough guy I have, and what stories for his kids to tell. So, am I a model help-mate, or what?! LOL Seriously though, Chris is my hero... frustratingly stubborn as he is sometimes.Technorati Tags: self-sufficiency, sewing self, medical, crazy

until last night.

Last week I taught baby S to throw her own diapers away. She was on board, thought it was great fun! I bragged to Chris, "See her doing her first 'chore'! She's such a big girl!" as she marched from our bedroom, down the hallway and into the kitchen with her diaper in hand, excited to "throw away the diaper"... Then, last night, N caught her red-handed. She had lifted the lid on the trash can (hey, I didn't teach her that part... not on purpose anyways, but apparently she was watching) and was about to throw the tv remote control away! LOL Yeah, so, not so cute anymore... Do you think she's trying to tell us something (besides check the trash before we take it out?)?

This is what is posted on our wall, and our family is currently working on memorizing together.

Psalm 121

1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

2 My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.

6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

8 The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

...in which I shall parallel post with Birdie, who does so often seem to exist in a universe parallel to my own...

This time, Birdie wrote a wonderfully insightful, honest post here about momma/baby-induced and spiritual sleepwalking. It's deceptively short, encompassing so very much more than is apparent at first glance, so much of what I myself have been going through, but at a loss of words for... I guess that I can just relate to her post there on so many levels right now that I thought I ought to go ahead and post about it too, sleepwalking that is. Birdie, you've inspired me with words, which I've been so short of lately, hope that you don't mind my hi-jacking your thoughts and running with them?

...sleepwalking, naturally momma.

First, on being up throughout the night with Baby S... and feeling like I'm sleepwalking through many of my days. There was a short time, when she was a few months old, and still sleeping in her co-sleeper beside my bed, rather than in our bed, as she does now, that she'd started actually sleeping through the night, or most of it anyways, only waking up once or twice. I do still usually put her down in her co-sleeper to start out the night, but now that she can, as soon as she stirs enough to notice I'm not beside her (usually within an hour or two) she crawls right over to me and snuggles so sweetly down beside me. It's become a habit that I adore, and one that Chris and I have decided is in her best interest to continue to allow (as well as our own>>sleep).

When I asked Chris if he thought that I should try and transition her to sleeping in her crib, now that she's almost one, he said no, that she still feels like too much a part of me. I'd have to agree with him, in that it would probably be too traumatic at this point, for all involved... I just wanted to give Chris plenty of room to let me know if he wanted me to change our sleeping arrangements. It helps that we have a king-sized bed too... couldn't do this in a double, or even a queen (for us).

I do, however, sometimes refer to it jokingly as "the dark side of attachment parenting"... as she often sleeps literally... attached to me. *snicker* This is where the pacifiers came in handy with my other two babies. Though I enjoy it too sometimes, it's not always the most comfortable arrangement for me. The bright side though, for us, is lots of cherished moments of closeness that could be had no other way which are undoubtedly laying a forever foundation of lovingly woven soul ties. There's also the fact that she'll be one year old next month and I still haven't had my monthly return yet. It's been almost two years now since I've had to deal with it! Gotta love that.

Yeah, sometimes co-sleeping (or not) can wear a Momma out... However, I prefer it the way it is now, for the most part. And now that she's napping on our bed well, alone, every afternoon, the world is brighter, I'm having more time to do other stuff... feel like I'm awake way more often! She still doesn't sleep much though, during the days, for a baby! I guess it's all that good sleep she's getting next to me each night. Heh!

Like Birdie, I too enjoy my night-time hours with the baby and the Lord, alone. It was the same way with N and T, and I've mused over this idea that the Lord gave this time of solitude to us Mothers, especially designed it even, as a window of opportunity to pray for their souls as we nourish their bodies and emotions through the dark of night. I really don’t mind that baby S usually wakes me every couple of hours for a suckle before sighing off back to sleep beside me… I actually will often even relish it, and find myself whispering lucid prayers that vanish with the morning light. But that's just me.

The thing is though, that except when she's having a particularly restless night due to teething, regardless of the fact that I've been woken by her numerous times in the night, I find that I now sleep very well with her beside me and am actually more well rested than I was with N and T when I was getting up and going to fetch them out of their cribs to tend to them, and standing over their cribs for loooooong minutes on end trying to console them back to sleep... or laying in my bed, listening to them cry for me in the next room. I think that made for many more days of sleepwalking than does co-sleeping with baby S.

And, as is the way of things... the natural realm is so often paralleled by the spiritual... sleepwalking, naturally momma.

Like Birdie, I too have recently felt like I’m coming out of a sleepwalking sort of fog, not only physically, but spiritually as well. I tend to get so caught up with tending to everything around me that I find I've neglected that which is most important, just sitting at my Master's feet, and making a point to guard that time, not only for myself, but for my family's sake too.

I think that this sort of spiritual atrophy happens naturally if we're not proactively working against it, and is thus a condition we as Believers must be on guard against, lest we be lulled into dull slumber for much of our spiritual lives. I do believe that it can come from lots of things, familiarity (how many of us have found ourselves sleepwalking - on autopilot- in our relationship with our spouse), boredom, long wilderness experiences (read- extended periods of waiting), unbelief, complacency, lack of teaching, vision, unconfessed sin, and the list goes on...

In the last couple of weeks (maybe longer?) I too have felt an awakening deep within. I'm not sure if it's a re-awakening, or something new - a deeper part- waking for the first time. I do know that I have found such solace and renewing strength from the Spirit as I’ve entered into His gates with praise and thanksgiving. In the last couple of days, as I mentioned in my prior post, one particular cd has been played over and over at my house, and particularly "Open the Gates", and "Awake!" as well as the title song on that cd just resonate within me right now.

I've found that when the Lord moves me so strongly through one or two songs in particular like this, there's good reason, and I'm learning to tune into the fact that spiritual battle is being waged. Time to wake up, hunker down, that I may stand.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

There was one year I'll never forget, a very hard year on many fronts, that I listened to one cd, over and over, receiving my very life-source from the Spirit, His Ruach HaKodesh, through worshiping Him during those hours. She's still one of my favorite voices. My kids remember going to sleep in my bed, by her music.

The Lord has been wooing me to get BACK into the habit of daily Bible reading/journal time with Him, and memorization of Scripture with the kids… I have felt such a soulish hunger, a spiritual thirst.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

Truly, it takes a proactive effort to get up, once one wakes up, rather than to just lay there in a groggy stupor. I am glad to be awake, and I am listening to the songs of praise that the morning birds sing to my soul, songs of promise and new life. I must only stop... be still. and sit. down. at the table that He - My CREATOR- the GOD of the Universe has already prepared for me and partake of Him, Living Bread, the Manna from heaven that I do need a fresh supply of daily. How much have I missed already for hurrying past Him, as He waits for me?

1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

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